


give us a little love

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: 15DaysChallenge, Alternate Universe, Dreams, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Not Beta Read, Pining, Sexual Tension, Slavery, Slow Burn, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-02-16 19:24:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18697693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: "I don't get the point of all of that." Yuzuru exclaimed, exasperated "Why is it so damn complicated?""It proves that you're patient. That you can sacrifice something in the name of something so beautiful. That you're worthy of the chance to love, and to be loved by someone who was made exactly for that purpose."Right." Yuzuru chuckled tiredly "What a great story. But what if I won't fall in love with them?""Oh believe me-" Dai said quietly, and his small smile spoke about a heartbreak that hadn't been healed yet "Believe me, you will."(aka a soulmate story set in an au-land)





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ForeverDoesntExist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverDoesntExist/gifts).



> This is a gift to my beautiful friend, because she said something that made me come up with this story :D I'm sorry if it's a mess tho hah  
> Also I wrote the first chapter on my phone and my autocorrect kept messing with me so I apologize for any weird stuff I missed during proofread.  
> I hope you enjoy!

Yuzuru didn't remember his dreams, usually. And if he did, he didn't care about them at all. He didn't know what other people saw in that, in pictures that didn't have any real influence on people's lives.

There were exceptions, of course, dreams created and sent by Fate itself, only to the ones who were the most deserving. People hoped they would be chosen, because who wouldn't want to be given a chance to find their soulmate, a person shaped by Fate so they could fit together perfectly?

Yuzuru didn't care about it at all.

But Fate didn't care about what he wanted.

 

* * *

 

 

He was sitting on the grass, close to the edge of a cliff, see in front of him waving gently, shades of blue and green mixing, sunlight dancing in a white foam. 

There was someone sitting next to him, but for some reason Yuzuru couldn't turn and look at them, his body not listening to him. 

"I miss home." the person- a man, Yuzuru realized- had a different accent, and Yuzuru felt like he had heard it on a market place one day. 

He wanted to say something, he knew that, but suddenly everything faded away and he woke up, blinking in a bright light of the morning. 

It was weird, but he could swear he still felt breeze in his hair and salt on his lips. 

But then he shook his head and decided to ignore it. 

 

It happened again, exactly one month later. They were sitting in the same spot, him and the stranger, and Yuzuru still couldn't look at him; but he was able to see his hand, tanned and calloused, handing him a small yellow flower. 

And another month later he dreamed about watching the sunset, hiding in his father's vineyard, and when he woke up still feeling the stranger's breath against his ear- Yuzuru knew that he was in trouble. 

 

It took Yuzuru some time, to decide who to ask. Not Saya, who probably didn't know anything more than what she heard in romantic stories and poems; not mother, too busy running the house and trying to find a perfect match for Saya to marry. Definitely not his father. 

That led him to probably the wisest person he knew, and also someone whom he fully trusted. 

"Dai, do you have a moment?" he asked and the administrator looked at him with a warm smile. 

"For you, always." he said, leading Yuzuru under the nearest sandal tree, so they could stand in a shade and he still could control everything going on around him "How can I help you?" 

Yuzuru hesitated for a second, but he knew he didn't have much choice.

"What do you know about soulmates?" 

Dai's expression changed a little as he watched Yuzuru with intense, dark eyes, and Yuzuru shifted uncomfortably under his searching gaze. 

"How many dreams did you have?" he asked finally and Yuzuru breathed out deeply. 

"Three. Exactly every month."

"Of course." Dai mumbled, a bit absently "Of course, this is how it works." he shook his head slightly and looked at Yuzuru, his gaze sharp and focused again "You never believed in that, am I right?" 

"I-" Yuzuru hesitated "I never cared about it. I didn't think it would happen to me." 

He didn't understand why Fate decided to do that to him. There were so many people hoping for that, why did it have to be him? He had never payed attention to stories about soulmates and perfect matches, treating it as some kind of a fairytale. But now, he was pretty sure that it was happening to him. 

"Are you sure they're... special? These dreams?" Dai asked and Yuzuru sighed, rubbing his brow. 

"I am, I think. I'm pretty sure they're coming exactly after a month and they're so- so vivid. I can remember every detail, and when I wake up they still feel so real. It's a bit scary, if I'm being honest."

"Oh my poor boy." Dai sighed, giving him a smile full of sympathy "It really seems that Fate came to you." 

"But why?" Yuzuru exclaimed, confused and just a bit angry "Why me? And what am I supposed to do?" 

Dai looked at him for a moment, his eyes filled with melancholy, and then he smiled at Yuzuru gently. 

"There's twelve dreams." he said finally "And their purpose is to prepare you for meeting your soulmate. So then you can decide what you want to do." 

"What does it even mean?" Yuzuru asked, slightly annoyed, and Dai shook his head with slight disapproval. 

"You really don't know anything." 

"At all." 

"We can't question Fate, I guess." Dai chuckled before turning serious again "You know that soulmates are two people who were made for each other, even before they were born. They share a bond, even if they don't know it. But only one of them had these dreams." 

"Huh?" Yuzuru blinked rapidly, confused "That doesn't make too much sense." 

"It does." Dai said firmly "And you should be grateful you're the one Fate chose to have them, because it's in your hands now. You- the things you see are the possible future." 

"Dai, I beg you, speak clearer." 

"Right. So- so you'll meet your soulmate one day, after all twelve dreams. And at that point, you'll be able to recognize them. But the thing is, they won't know you're their soulmate. And then, you have to make a choice." Dai stopped talking for a moment, and Yuzuru shifted awkwardly under his strong gaze "If you tell that person about the bond between you, you'll break it forever."

"That really doesn't make any sense-" 

"It does." Dai said firmly "Because if you decide you want to wait for your soulmate, you're proving to Fate that you weren't a mistake." 

"Okay, okay." Yuzuru said quickly, pinching the bridge of his nose "So how will my soulmate know about... being my soulmate?"

"They will know." Dai said quietly "When they fall in love with you, Fate will come to them."

"I don't get the point of all of that." Yuzuru exclaimed, exasperated "Why is it so damn complicated?" 

"It proves that you're patient. That you can sacrifice something in the name of something so beautiful. That you're worthy of the chance to love, and to be loved by someone who was made exactly for that purpose." 

"Right." Yuzuru chuckled tiredly "What a great story. But what if I won't fall in love with them?" 

"Oh believe me-" Dai said quietly, and his small smile spoke about a heartbreak that hadn't been healed yet "Believe me, you will."

 

* * *

 

It wasn't like Yuzuru didn't believe in what Dai had said. But he was sceptical, really sceptical, and so far his plan was to tell his damn soulmate the truth and forget about that. 

He had his troubles with Fate, and maybe he wasn't so quick to accept everything it was bringing him. 

But then, the dreams became stronger. 

He dreamed about leaning against someone's warm chest, strong arms wrapped around his waist and something wet and hot running down his face, and a moment before waking up he realized those were tears. 

He dreamed about holding someone's hand and looking at the stars, and he dreamed about waking up and seeing someone sleeping next to him, his naked back bathed in the moonlight. 

The dreams were longer now, more intense, and when Yuzuru woke up from them he wished he could fall asleep again, despite his mind telling him those were just worthless pieces of the future he would for sure give up. 

Then, during the tenth dream, Yuzuru finally saw his soulmate's face. 

They were on a beach, a place Yuzuru knew, and they were just looking at each other, smiling like they knew everything about each other. 

"So, Yuzuru." the stranger- his soulmate- asked "What's going to happen now?" 

"Now..." Yuzuru heard his own voice and he knew that something was wrong "Now I'm going to let you go."

Yuzuru woke up gasping for air, a trail of sweat running down his temple. 

 _Fate is a cruel thing_ , Yuzuru thought, rubbing his chest _It's cruel_ , _for showing me something I'm still not ready to believe in._

 

* * *

 

Yuzuru hated slaves markets. Usually he could come up with some excuse not to go, but not that year. 

"Next year you'll take at least half of my duties." his father reminded him gently, and Yuzuru shuddered. He didn't like slavery, even though he was raised in a society that was treating it as something normal. Hell, Yuzuru knew people who had made fortune out of it. The people his father had at his vineyard and farm were treated very well, and some of them were important people in the household, but it wasn't a rule, and it was always making Yuzuru uneasy. 

And it didn't help that his twelfth dream had happened two months earlier and Yuzuru was in a bad mood. How ironic for someone who had been claiming not to care about soulmates at all. 

After one hour and three auctions Yuzuru was more than ready to go back to the manor, and he turned to his father to talk to him when the crowd hissed with excitement and Yuzuru glanced at the stage only to shudder at the sight of one of the Meekan Pirates. He wasn't quick to hate people, but he truly hated those greedy, violent bastards. 

"Best material, young and strong!" the pirate exclaimed as one of his companions led eight people to the stage, their faces covered with pieces of fabric "Found on the far away land, on the other side of the Amarant Sea!" the pirate exclaimed and Yuzuru flinched. He knew very well that 'found' meant 'kidnapped', and those people were just taken away from their homes and thrown into the country they maybe had never heard about. 

Yuzuru couldn't help but look at left hands of the slaves, all of them bandaged with dirty fabric. It meant that they were already marked, the hated symbol burned on their palms, selling their fate forever. 

The first four were sold almost immediately and Yuzuru really didn't want to stay there for even a second longer, but something told him to stay and watch. 

And then the pirate unveiled the face of the next slave and all air left Yuzuru's lungs. 

He had seen that face before. He had seen it in his dreams. 

He was standing far away, but he knew it was him. His soulmate, a person he had been ready to give up. But now, hearing loud yellings of the bidders, he knew he couldn't let that happen. 

"Father." he said frantically, grabbing his hand "Father, can we have this one?"

It felt wrong, to say it like that, but there was no other way. 

"Are you sure? Usually you don't like-" 

"Please." Yuzuru said, and his pleading tone was enough, because two minutes later his father won the auction, but Yuzuru still felt like he couldn't breathe.


	2. give me a reason I didn't know I was looking for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter written on my phone during a roadtrip, I apologize for any autocorrect mess I missed. Also you can see that I changed chapter count, because things are kinda escalating hah I hope you enjoy!

Three weeks. That was how long it took Yuzuru to gather enough courage to go and check what was happening with his... with his soulmate.

He still couldn't believe that it was happening, in some moments. He had used to laugh about that, and even when the dreams came, he was pretty sceptical, at least in the beginning. But now, it was different. Now, he had seen him, his soulmate, and he was somewhere there, close, and that thought was making his hands shake a little. It wasn't who he really was, because he was collected and rational; but he still remembered those dreams, every detail burned in his memory, and he knew that he at least had to get to know him, that person that was supposedly made just for him. 

Yuzuru knew where he had to look. 

"Yuzuru, hello!" Dai smiled at him when Yuzuru bumped into him close to the stairs leading to the vineyard "I haven't seen you for a while! Would you walk with me?" 

"Yes. I was looking for you, actually." Yuzuru said, walking next to Dai as they were getting close to the administator's tiny office, a little wooden house on the hill with a view for all the ground that belonged to Yuzuru's family. 

"I wanted to ask you about one of the new slaves-" Yuzuru hesitated for a second and then suddenly stopped, because there he was, sitting under a sandal tree. He was in a shadow, and he had a book in his lap, clothes different than on the market, but Yuzuru was sure it was him, and his heart thudded painfully. 

"Which one?" Dai asked, seemingly unaware od Yuzuru's weird state. But then, alarmed by lack of response, he followed Yuzuru's gaze and smiled slightly "Ah, Javi? I heard you were the one insisting on getting him." 

So that was his name. Javi. Yuzuru hadn't heard it before and he longed to say it out loud, to taste the syllabes on his tongue, but he was afraid than it would let Dai see everything what was going on inside of him. So he cleared his throat, forcing his eyes to look at Dai now and seem as calm as possible. 

"Yeah, that's true. I wanted to check what's going on with him." 

"Well, I need to thank you then." Dai said lightly "Because I just needed someone like him." 

"Really?" Yuzuru asked, glancing at Javi, who was reading something, his expression focused "Why isn't he working with the rest?" 

"Because he's a clever one." Dai said, smiling a bit wider "And he knows our language, a bit rusty and colloquial, but it's more than most. So I decided to use that, because gods know I need help with all the papers. I need to get everything in order, go through old records, and I don't have time to do that, and I don't really have any help in that matter." Dai explained, giving Yuzuru a pointed look that carried some scolding. 

Yuzuru knew what he meant. He was his father's heir, and soon everything would be his, but he didn't have too much of an idea how everything worked. 

"Sorry." Yuzuru muttered, not really sounding apologetic "Maybe I should get to that." 

"Well I don't have time to teach you now." Dai sighed "But Javi could explain you everything. He got everything pretty quickly, I think he had been doing something similar." he said and Yuzuru's insides twisted at the thought of that other life that had been taken away from his soulmate. 

"Really?" he asked, his voice sounding weird even to him, and Dai sighed deeply. 

"There's no reason to be afraid." he said, clearly misinterpreting Yuzuru's expression "He's not like some of those agressive ones. Like I said, he's smart, and quiet, and I think he understands the situation better than any of them. He knows that there's no point in trying to run." 

Some slaves tried to run, sometimes, but they never succeded. They usually had different features than Yuzuru's countrymen, and even if they could pass for locals, the mark on their palms would always draw attention of the guards. The city was well guarded, just like the whole country. There wasn't really any safe place a fugitive could go. 

"Why not, then." Yuzuru mumbled, his throat scratchy, and Dai gave him a half smile. 

"Follow me,." 

Javi raised his head when he heard their footsteps and he stood up rapidly, holding the book close to his chest. 

"Hello, Javi." Dai smiled at him "This is master Hanyu's son, Yuzuru. He needs to learn how this all works, so he'll be accompanying you for some time until he gets a grasp of what it's all about." 

Javi looked at them and just nodded simply, and Yuzuru almost laughed hysterically. It was so surreal, and it wasn't like any of those teary poems Saya liked so much. Because in no poem soulmates were a pair of strangers, with one of them taken away from everything he knew, and in no poem they were about to learn about wine production. 

But it was reality, and a moment later Yuzuru found himself sitting on the ground next to Javi, who smelled like salt and herbs, and all Yuzuru could think about was that it was his soulmate, his perfect match, and that it wasn't a dream. 

"Barrel suppliers." Javi said quietly, tapping one column written in Dai's neat handwriting "How many broke." he added, pointing a small adnotation at the bottom of the page. 

His voice was quiet and careful, his accent was different and he had slight problems with flexion, but Yuzuru couldn't stop himself from shuddering. 

It was so... frightening, to hear his voice in person. So real. 

Javi was talking slowly, but Yuzuru had troubles with following him closely, to distracted by examining his face from so close. He had strong features, deep brown eyes and hair that was curling just a little bit. He would definitely stand out in the crowd in that country. 

"Are you okay?" 

Yuzuru blinked rapidly and he came back to focus only to see Javi's face close to his, his eyes wide. 

"Are you okay?" Javi asked again, slowly, and then his cheeks reddened as he grew visibly flustered "Uhh, master. Are you-" he fumbled with words, clearly getting lost, and it snapped Yuzuru out of his daze. 

"Please, don't call me that." he blurted out rapidly "It's Yuzuru. No master, that's my father." 

"But-" Javi blinked, clearly surprised, and Yuzuru shook his head. 

"Unless anyone else is around, just call my by my name." 

Javi was staring at him, visibly confused, and Yuzuru's heart clenched painfully. 

Some weeks ago Javi probably had been an ordinary man, living in some far away country. Now he had to learn how to live in that new land and how to give his freedom up. 

"As you wish." Javi said finally and Yuzuru decided it had to be enough for now "So-" 

"Can we drop this, for a moment?" Yuzuru said. He finally started to feel a bit more confident, now that he was getting use to have Javi close and real. 

Javi looked at him searchingly and then closed the book, tilting his head a little. 

"How did you learn our language?" Yuzuru asked and Javi chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before anwering.

"On the market. I worked there, with dad and uncle, and aunt. There was a lot of people from here. I listened, and I remembered. Memorized." 

"What were you selling?" Yuzuru asked before clamping his mouth shut, because he really shouldn't ask that kind of question to a person that had been kidnapped and sold. But Javi just shrugged a little, as if the question didn't bother him at all. 

"Grains, mostly . We're farmers. And herbs. I'm good with them." 

"Oh. Nice." Yuzuru nodded, feeling dumb again. It hit him again, like a wave coming to a shore, that Javi was his soulmate. His true, one soulmate, and that he-

"You're wondering if I'm going to run away." Javi said suddenly, breaking Yuzuru's train of thought "I won't." 

"Why?" Yuzuru asked and Javi's smile dimmed, something bitter dancing in the corner of his mouth. 

"My country is on the other side of the Amarant Sea." he said quietly "We live on the coast, but we never owned a boat. I don't know how to sail. I would manage, maybe, but- I don't have a map. Or a boat. And I-" he shook his head "And I know that it's not easy, with that." he said absently, gesturing with his left hand, the one with fresh, ugly scar burned into his skin. 

Yuzuru's breathing hitched audibly and Javi blinked rapidly, looking at him as if he woke up from some kind of a dream, and something flashed in his eyes. 

"I'm sorry, mas- Yuzuru." he said, standing up "Can I go, for a bit? " 

"Of course." Yuzuru said, his lips dry "As long as Dai doesn't need you." 

Javi nodded and walked away, and Yuzuru stayed there, sitting on the ground, his heart pounding. And when later he lay in his bed, head turned so he could look at the night sky, he couldn't help but wonder of what Dai had said. 

_Believe me, you'll fall in love with your soulmate._

Yuzuru thought about Javi's open face and wondered if there was anything he could do to stop it from happening. 

 

* * *

 

He couldn't really help it. 

It was like Yuzuru was a moth and Javi was a candle, drawing him closer. During the next week Yuzuru visited the vineyard everyday, on the pretext of learning more. And he did learn indeed, about both business and Javi, mostly Javi. 

He wasn't like most of the slaves Yuzuru had met. He seemed strangely resigned to everything what was happening to him, accepting what Fate had in store for him. It was kind of fascinating to Yuzuru, who could never imagine being in a situation like that. 

He couldn't help but want to know him better, spend time with him. He was helpless against that urge, that quiet, nagginng voice in the back of his head. 

"Can you ride?" he asked Javi one day and got a nod in return. Yuzuru smiled at that and stood up, walking over to Dai who was standing nearby. 

"Hey, can I borrow Javi for some time?" 

"Why do you need him?" 

"I want to go for a ride, and you know my parents don't like when I'm going alone." 

"Ah yes." Dai hummed "And poor Amos probably can't match your tempo anymore." he said, talking about Yuzuru's old servant "Yeah, take him, why not. He could use some company and- and going somewhere." 

"You like him." Yuzuru said, feeling something warm flickering in his chest, and Dai shrugged.

"He's a good kid. Reminds me of you a little. He deserves to have a good life, despite everything." 

Yuzuru's throat was suddenly tight so he just nodded quickly before waving at Javi to come closer, and twenty minutes later they were galloping through the green fields, every step bringing them closer to the steady sound of the sea. 

And then they was sitting on the grass, close to the edge of a cliff, see in front of him waving gently, shades of blue and green mixing, sunlight dancing in a white foam. 

Yuzuru inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a second. 

He had been there before. 

"I miss home." Javi said quietly and that time Yuzuru was able to look at him. 

Javi was looking at the faint line of the horizon, his eyes filled with longing, and Yuzuru's heart clenched painfully. 

"I'm sorry." he said before he could stop himself "I truly am."

"It is how it is." Javi said quietly "This is how this world works." he added and when he looked at Yuzuru his smile was small and sad "It was my mistake. I went to the deserted part of the coast to look for some rare herbs. And then they got me. It was foolish. I was a fool."

"It's not true." Yuzuru insisted and Javi gave him a crooked smile before turning away for a moment, his fingers carding through the grass. 

"Here." he said, handing Yuzuru a delicate yellow flower "If you put dried petals in a cup with hot water, it will make a headache go away." 

He was looking at Yuzuru with a small smile, clearly waiting for Yuzuru to take the flower, so he did that, making him smile even wider. 

"Careful." Javi said, his voice gentle "You look like you would like to be my friend." 

Yuzuru almost told him, in that moment. He almost let it slip, but he bit his tongue in the last second, swallowing the confession down. 

"What if it's true ?" he asked instead and Javi tilted his head, looking at him thoughtfully. 

"Then I'd be honored." he answered and Yuzuru felt a lump in his throat. 

"I'd be too."

 

* * *

 

"Dai." he asked three days later, making sure that they were alone "I need to ask you a question. About soulmates." 

"Oh. Of course." Dai said, his eyes becoming intent "What do you want to know?" 

"You said that if we tell our soulmate the truth too early, the bond will be broken." Yuzuru said slowly "What does it mean, exactly?" he asked and he saw how Dai's eyes dimmed, pain flashing through his expression. 

"It means-" he started slowly "-it means that they won't be able to feel anything for you." he said and Yuzuru gasped, shocked. 

"What?" 

"They won't love you. They won't hate you. You will just... not matter." 

"How is this even possible?" Yuzuru asked, his heart speeding up, and Dai shook his head, a bitter smile dancing on his lips. 

"Fate has twisted ideas sometimes." he said quietly "I don't know the way it works, but I know the rules, and I know consequences. I know, because I lived through it." 

"Oh." Yuzuru breathed out, not knowing what to say. He always suspected that Dai had a soulmate, but his friend had never talked about it. Now Yuzuru knew why 

"Have you found them, Yuzu?" Dai asked quietly and Yuzuru just nodded silently, not able to lie in that moment. 

"Good." Dai said quietly, a small smile returning on his lips "Now don't let go." 

 

* * *

 

Since he was a little boy, Yuzuru liked to hide in a vineyard, to watch the sun go down and pretend like the delicate leaves could shelter him from the world. 

He needed a shelter, now, somewhere quiet to just sit and clear his head. He looked at the view spreading in front of him, at the orange sun hiding slowly behind the hills, and he had a sudden feeling of deja vu, and he knew what it meant. 

A few minutes later he heard quiet footsteps and then someone sat down beside him, and Yuzuru didn't have to turn around to know who that was. 

It was so confusing, still. 

Yuzuru liked Javi. He really did. Javi was smart and kind, and was taking the whole situation with so much more calm and dignity Yuzuru could ever expect. He was a good person, Yuzuru knew that. 

But he was also his soulmate, and Yuzuru still wasn't sure how to handle that situation. 

Because Javi was now a piece of his world, but Yuzuru wasn't in love with him. 

But also, he wasn't ready to let him go, even though the possible future was scaring him. 

"Just a little longer." 

He only realized he said it out loud when Javi looked at him with surprize in his eyes. 

"What?" 

"Nothing. Just thinking." 

"About something important?" 

Javi's face was open and curious, and Yuzuru couldn't help but smile a little. 

"I don't know yet."

Javi smiled and nodded, and then moved his gaze to the landscape spreading in front of him, only a tiny piece of the sun visible. 

"It's not what I thought." he said quietly. 

"What do you mean?" 

"When I was... when I was captured, pirates were telling us stories about what was waiting for us here. And those were terrible things, and I was so scared. But here... I get more food for one meal than I used to eat for the whole day, sometimes. It's just-" Javi trailed off, his smile turning nostalgic" - it's just that I'm not free. "

Yuzuru wished there were words he could say to make Javi feel even a bit better. But there was none, so he just gave Javi the best smile he could, and he was flooded with relief when he got a smile in return. 

 

* * *

 

"So, Yuzuru." his father smiled at him easily during one of their evening meals "I've heard that you're spending a lot of time with that slave you asked me to buy. The one that helps Dai with administration." 

"Yes." he nodded, feeling a bit nervous, and his mother frowned. 

"Really? Is it wise? Do we know him well enough?" 

"He's harmless, mom." Yuzuru said quickly, words scratching his throat "And I like his company." 

"I'm not sure if it's appropriate." she insisted "Why don't you spend some time with Mura's boys, they-" 

"You know that we don't like each other, mom." Yuzuru said quietly "And Javi is nice, and interesting." he hesitated and then added boldly "You wouldn't have anything against it if he wasn't a slave." 

"Enough, Yuzu." his father said, gentle but stern, before he turned to look at his wife "Don't worry, my dear, I've met the boy when I spoke with Dai a few days before. I truly believe he's not dangerous." he said and then turned to look at Yuzuru "Actually, I talked with Dai about him... what was his name?" 

"Javi." 

"Ah, of course. I talked with Dai, because I think that you need a new servant. Amos shouldn't be carrying hot water at this age, and everything is too tiring for him noe." 

He was right, of course. Amos was Yuzuru's servant since he had been a little child, but now the man was old and not able to fulfill all his duties. 

"So I thought that maybe that boy could be a good match, since you're getting along so well."

Yuzuru blinked rapidly as something hot exploded in his chest, and he could feel his cheeks turning red, so he quickly grabbed his cup with wine and brought it to his lips in an attempt to hide his expression. 

"Why not." he said, trying to sound as careless as possible "I think it's a good idea."

His father smiled, pleased, but mother didn't look convinced, her lips pressed in a tight line. Yuzuru wondered what would they say if he told them that Javi was his soulmate. A poor slave, but Yuzuru's perfect match, according to Fate. 

They would took it for a twisted joke, probably, but Yuzuru wasn't planning on telling them too soon. 

Or maybe, they would never know. 

 

* * *

 

Yuzuru was sitting on the edge of his bed, watching the shadows dancing on the walls. Yuzuru's room was located a bit far from the main part of the house, where his grandfather had used to live after death of his wife. 

Yuzuru loved that room. It had windows facing both west and east side of the hill, so he had a great view, and also a lot of peace and quiet. There was a bed, a case with clothes and other one with books and scrolls, maps and old documents he had used to collect as a boy. A wooden washtub standing in the corner. 

He knew every inch of this room, and it was a place he was feeling the most safe in. But now, he was also feeling slightly nervous, his foot tapping the floor in a rapid rhythm. 

And then, finally, a knock to the door. 

"Come in!" he rushed and a moment later Javi walked in, closing the door and then standing there, a bit awkwardly. 

"They told me I should come here." he said, sounding uncertain "And I have a new room now, very close, so-" he shrugged, tilting his head a bit "So I guess now I am doing things for you, and not for Dai?" 

Yuzuru didn't exactly like the way Javi phrased it, but it was the truth. 

"Yeah. I mean-" he fumbled with words "You-" 

"Should do everything you ask me to do. I know." Javi smiled slightly "I'll be trying my best, I promise. I learn fast." 

Yuzuru didn't know what to say at that, and for the moment he was only able to stare at Javi, at his face that was so familiar already. 

His heart skipped a beat, when he thought about what he had seen and what the future could bring. 

"Javi." he started slowly, heart fluttering "Would you really like to be my friend?"

Javi blinked rapidly and then his face lit up with a bright smile. 

"Of course." he said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world "It's not good, not having friend." 

"Right." Yuzuru breathed out, relieved "So, uh, would you sit with me for a moment and talk? I'd love to hear more about your country." he said and Javi's eyes sparkled as he nodded and made his way to sit next to Yuzuru, his warmth and scent already so familiar Yuzuru had to fight an urge to move closer.

_Maybe I'll fall for you_ he thought, watching Javi speak animatedly _But for now, I'm just  grateful. Because you bring light I didn't know I needed._


	3. show me my silver lining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As in previous chapters, sorry for any autocorrect I missed :D

"No, no." Javi shook his head, taking one end of a stalk and tying it with another one "Like this."

"This is so complicated." Yuzuru grumbled and Javi chuckled.

"Well you wanted to try!"

"Because you told me it was easy!"

"It is, it's not my fault that-"

"You're so loud I could hear you in my room." someone interrupted them and Yuzuru turned his head to see Saya walking down the stairs leading to the garden, smiling as she got closer "What are you doing?"

"We're making ba-" Yuzuru started, but was startled by Javi's rapid movement as he stood up quickly, giving Saya a polite nod, and Yuzuru had to clear his throat before finishing his sentence "- baskets. Or at least Javi is trying to teach me how to make them. "

"I never thought you were into manual works, you bookworm." Saya said, gesturing at Javi to sit "I was looking for you, Yuzu, I have something to tell you."

"I will go, then." Javi said, and Yuzuru wanted to protest, but he forced himself not to.

"Wait for me by the stable, please." was all he said and Javi gave him a half smile before walking away.

"You were right." Saya hummed absently, looking after him "He seems nice." she shook her head and then sat down next to Yuzuru.

It had used to be their favourite spot when they were kids, those stairs at the back of the house that were leading down to the garden. They had been spending hours there, playing, talking and watching ships entering the harbor, visible in the distance.

They hadn't done that in a long time. 

Yuzuru wasn't sure when it had happened. It felt like just a day before they were still kids with no real troubles, and now they were suddenly all grown up and slowly entering entirely new lives. 

"Why were you looking for me?"

Saya looked at him and smiled with an unexpected softness.

"I'm getting married."

Yuzuru knew that it was coming; Saya was at the age when it was the most appropriate to marry and leave the parents' house. For the past months their mother was trying to find the best match for her beloved daughter and she apparently succeeded.

"Which one?" Yuzuru asked and a corner of Saya's mouth twitched, as if she was amused.

"Keiji."

"Well-" Yuzuru breathed out "- not bad."

"Right? It could be so much worse." Saya said, shaking her head and then her smile dimmed a little "I think I could love him, you know?"

Love wasn't good enough reason for people to marry, at least no for people from Yuzuru and Saya's circle. Society too understanding when it came to mixing nobility with commoners; there were some exceptions, when people risked everything to be with their beloved one, but they weren't accepted easily.

Maybe that was why soulmates were so praised. People dreamed about perfect love that they often could never experience.

"He's a good man." Yuzuru said quietly "But are you sure?"

Saya stayed silent for a moment, eyes wandering on the landscape spreading in front of them, and in that moment she seemed so much younger, as if they were kids again, and about to try stealing some fresh bread from the kitchen.

"I gave up waiting for Fate to come to me." she said finally and Yuzuru's heart skipped a beat "Maybe there's no one truly perfect for me, but it doesn't mean I should spend the rest of my life on hoping for them to appear. Look at our parents, they're not soulmates and they're so good for each other, still." she said, tilting her head a little, looking at Yuzuru with a smile dancing on her lips "I think I can be happy."

"I think that too." Yuzuru said, his throat clenching a little "And I hope for that."

Saya smiled at him and touched his shoulder briefly before standing up.

"The wedding will happen in three full moons. So you have time to prepare some parting gift." she added playfullly, making him chuckle "I'll go now, and you should too. I can see that you want to join him." she smiled, tilting her head a little "Mother is still not to happy about that friendship, but I think it serves you well. You smile more." she said before walking away. Yuzuru stayed there for a moment longer, thinking about what she had said. And then he stood up and started walking toward the stables.

 

* * *

 

Javi smiled broadly as a wave touched his feet, and he took a step forward. 

"It's nice." he said and Yuzuru stood next to him only to jump away with a squeak when water washed over his feet. 

"It's cold!" 

"Pleasantly chill." Javi said and Yuzuru glared at him, sitting on the warm sand. 

"I don't think so." he said and Javi chuckled, walking closer and sitting next to Yuzuru. 

They sat in silence for a moment, watching the sea in front of them moving gently, the sound of waves meeting the sand quiet and calming. 

"My sister is getting married." Yuzuru said after a few minutes and Javi looked at him with interest "In three full moons."

It sounded a bit weird, said out loud. Saya was getting married. She would leave their family house forever, and suddenly the idea seemed ridiculous and maybe not acceptable, even. 

"I wish her all the best, then." Javi said, smiling easily, and Yuzuru glanced at him by the corner of his eye, playing with a question he had on the tip of his tongue. 

Was he brave enough to ask it? 

"Do you believe in soulmates, Javi?" 

"Of course I do." Javi said, as if it was so obvious, and Yuzuru's heart fluttered "You don't?" 

"I-" Yuzuru hesitated, his throat raw "I do, but-" 

He regretted bringing that topic up, because now he had no idea what to say and how to act not to show anything. But at the same, he longed to know what Javi thought about it. 

"Huh." Javi hummed quietly, with wonder "You look like that kind of a person who needs to touch something to really believe in it." 

"Yeah." Yuzuru chuckled weakly "That sounds about right." 

Javi smiled at him before turning to look at the sea again, his expression turning thoughtful. 

"My parents are soulmates." he said after a moment of silence "And I think it's a blessing, to have someone so special. I always hoped I would be lucky enough." 

Yuzuru's heart was pounding now and he had to swallow hard before speaking again. 

"I think it's pretty complicated, to be honest." he dared to say and Javi chuckled fondly. 

"My mom dreamed about my dad." he said "She always says that waiting for him to find and love her was the hardest time of her life, but she would do that ten times more if she had to. I think- I think it's amazing, that this kind of love exists." 

His smile was incredibly soft and Yuzuru's lips were terribly dry. 

"You don't think you have a soulmate?" he asked, his tongue stiff, and Javi shrugged. 

"I didn't get my dreams, but maybe someone dreamed about me already. If so, I just hope we find each other. And I just hope-" he sighed, giving Yuzuru a small, warm smile "I just hope they're kind." 

Yuzuru wasn't able to do anything except staring at Javi, his heart fluttering and sending warmth to every cell of his body. Their gazes locked, and something flickered in Javi's eyes, a spark Yuzuru couldn't quite catch, but before he could read into it, Javi stood up abruptly. 

"I'm going for a short swim." he announced, taking his tunic off and standing in front of Yuzuru in just his underwear grinning "You're coming with me?" 

"I pass." Yuzuru muttered, trying not to stare too openly. It was the first time he saw Javi like that, and he was a bit surprised to see how skinny he was, like he still wasn't fully recovered after weeks spent in pirates' captivity. His skin was tanned and smooth, except of a faint scar right above his right hip. 

"Well your loss." Javi smiled and then ran to the water, letting out a quiet squeak as a wave reached his waist. He lauged shortly, the sound vibrating in Yuzuru's ears and resonating in his heart. He watched Javi swimming, the water splashing around him, and Yuzuru thought that he deserved so much better. He deserved to be able to laugh anytime, and he deserved a soulmate who wouldn't be such a mess. He deserved freedom, and so much more. He deserved love. 

And Yuzuru... he wasn't sure if he could give him any of that. 

"You really should try next time." Javi said when he was back a few minutes later, water shining in his hair and running down his body like little drops of liquid silver. 

"I'm not a good swimmer." Yuzuru said, welcoming new topic that could distract him a little bit from all that complicated mess happening inside his head. 

"I could help you." Javi offered carelessly, shaking his head and sending little droplets into the air "I taught half of the kids in my village how to swim, I think I could handle you too."

He was smiling, open and relaxed, and Yuzuru had to force himself to tear his eyes away from a drop running down his torso and disappearing in the line of his underwear. Suddenly he felt very warm, as if something settled inside his chest, hot and burning. 

"Maybe some other day." he mumbled, feeling a bit uneasy "I think it's time to go back." 

Javi nodded, putting his tunic on, and Yuzuru tried not to stare at how it was clinging to his still slightly wet body. 

Yuzuru wasn't sure what was happening, but he was sure that he didn't like it. 

 

* * *

 

Yuzuru was sitting on the floor in the middle of his room, surrounded by open books, maps, sheets of paper and vellum. He had finally decided to go through his collection and see if he wanted to get rid of something. Maybe it wasn't the most fascinating thing to do, but it was calming, and it was helping Yuzuru not to think about other things. 

Like the fact that he had a soulmate. There were still moments when he couldn't believe that it was really happening to him, even though the dreams had happened such a long time before and Javi was at his house for weeks now. And they were good, really. They were spending so much time together and Yuzuru enjoyed his company so much. But he couldn't forget who they were and what was supposed to happen. 

He couldn't forget a choice he still could make. 

His train of thought was broken by Javi himself, when he knocked shortly and entered the room. 

"There's a man who came to see you. He's waiting on the patio."

"Oh." Yuzuru frowned, surprised. He didn't have too many guests, usually "Who's that?" 

"Marin called him 'master Stephane'." Javi explained and Yuzuru grinned widely. 

"Oh, he's back!" he exclaimed happily "That's great! Could you put these back?" he asked, gesturing at all the papers scattered around the floor, and Javi nodded. 

"Of course." 

Yuzuru almost ran to the patio, when he was greeted by his friend's wide smile. 

"Stephane! When did you come back?" he asked, giving him a long hug, and then sat in front of him, gesturing at Marin to fill their cups. 

"Two days ago. I took some rest and came to see you, my friend." Stephane grinned and Yuzuru smiled back. 

Stephane was one of his favourite people. He hadn't been born in that land, but he was living there for over fifteen years now, and it was a place he was always coming back to after his long travels. Yuzuru was always eager to listen to all the stories the older man was bringing, so now he spent a pleasant hour on learning about foreign lands. 

"So, enough about me." Stephane said finally "Now I want to know everything I missed." 

"It's not much, since you already know that Saya is getting married." 

"Ah yes." Stephane mused and then grinned, his eyes twinkling "But I noticed that you have a new servant. Very attractive one." 

"Oh, Javi." Yuzuru nodded, praying he wouldn't start blushing "Yeah, he hadn't been  here for long." 

"Hmm." Stephane hummed, and Yuzuru knew that smile, and he felt his blood boiling a little, despite all the sympathy he had for his friend. 

"Don't even think about it, Stephane. Not this one." 

"You're no fun." Stephane said, sighing dramatically, but his smile was fond "Don't worry, I won't offer." 

"Good." Yuzuru nodded before changing the topic swiftly, but it took him a few more minutes to calm his heartbeat down as he tried to convince himself that sharp pang in his chest wasn't jealousy. 

 

When he got back to his room the sun was slowly going down and Yuzuru was feeling pretty tired and was hoping to relax a little in the calm solitude of his room. 

But he didn't expect Javi to still be there, sitting on the floor with a map in his hands. 

"Oh, you're still not done?" Yuzuru asked absently but then was alarmed by the lack of response, because instead of answering Javi only inhaled deeply, shakily. 

"Hey, is everything okay?" Yuzuru asked, making his way to Javi and crouching next to him so he could get a look at what he was holding "What's wrong?" 

Javi swallowed visibly and pointed some spot on the map, and Yuzuru didn't exactly remember what land it was. 

"Here." Javi said quietly, his accent heavier than usually "Here's my home." 

Yuzuru's heart sank. He looked at the map with more focus and saw Javi's finger pointing at what looked like a village with a name Yuzuru probably wouldn't be able to pronounce. 

"Here is town with the market I was working on." Javi mumbled, moving his finger to the other name before brushing it over ink marking the coastline "And here-" he didn't finish, and when Yuzuru looked at him, he saw a single tear running down his face, and his own heart clenched painfully. 

Javi was always so kind, always trying to look at the bright side and rarely showing any sign of negativity or sadness. But now, sitting on Yuzuru's floor, holding a renainder of his homeland, he was just heartbreakingly sad and vulnerable, and Yuzuru's heart was aching for him. 

And what could he say, in that situation? That he was sorry? That he wished that it hadn't happened? But that would mean they never meet, and that- that was something Yuzuru wasn't sure he could imagine, now. 

"I'm sorry." he decided to say, knowing that his words didn't mean anything in that moment. He reached out slowly and wiped Javi's cheek, his hand lingering to his skin for a second too long than necessary and his fingertips tingled "You can take it." he added and Javi sniffled quietly before taking a deep breath and standing up, clutching the map in his hands. 

"Thank you." he said, a bit stiffly, as if he was embarassed by that moment of weakness "Do you need-" 

"I'm good, Javi." Yuzuru said softly "I'll see you tomorrow." 

Javi looked at him for a long moment before nodding and giving Yuzuru a small smile that was almost as bright as usual. He left quickly after that, but Yuzuru stayed on the floor, wondering if maybe he was being too selfish. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was supposed to be much longer but I decided to split this chap into two because of reasons, hah, I hope you enjoyed!


	4. right when I least expected, you set the room alight

Yuzuru was afraid that Javi's sad mood would stay with him for longer, but the day after the map incident Javi showed up in his room with his usual, good-natured smile.

Yuzuru didn't even try to express how much he was admiring Javi for the way he was handling the situation and how he was treating people around him. He had every right to be angry or hateful, but instead he just accepted the situation and tied his best to move forward. Some people Yuzuru knew would call him coward, for acting like that, for what seemed like giving up. But Yuzuru thought it was a sign of strength. It was brave, in a way, to give up who he had used to be. 

Yuzuru never voiced those thoughts, though. 

"We'll go to the town today." he said instead after finishing his breakfast "I need to start looking for a wedding gift for Saya." 

Javi nodded, giving him a small smile. 

"Should I prepare horses?" 

"No, we will walk today. It's not far and the market is too crowded. Horses would get anxious." 

It was a pleasant walk from the hill Yuzuru's house was standing on and to the town centre and market located close to the harbour. Yuzuru enjoyed those little trips when summer wasn't in full Bloom yet, when the air wasn't dry and hot and when he was surrounded by fresh scent of flowers and trees. And he enjoyed Javi walking by his side, his step sure as he was looking around curiously. 

"This is so big." he said as they reached one of main streets, and they had to be careful not to get trampled by vagons, horses and other people running in all directions "And the street is... uh-" he narrowed his eyes, clearly not knowing the right word "- made of stone?" 

"Cobbled." Yuzuru said and that earned him a grateful smile "You don't have cobbled streets?" 

"Not where I live. Only mud and sand." Javi explained and then changed the topic "Do you know what you're looking for?" 

"No." Yuzuru shook his head with a sigh "It's the most common to give something gold or silver, but I'm not sure. She's my sister, I want to give her something more meaningful." 

"I see ." Javi hummed "When my sister was getting married, I made her a wooden case, so she could keep her things somewhere." 

"That's nice." Yuzuru said; he wanted to know more about Javi and the rest of his family, but he decided not to ask, careful not to bring Javi's mood down again.

"We have this saying." Javi smiled "Something you could borrow, something to fight your sorrow, something to bond your hearts and something for cold nights." he recited, his eyes twinkling, and Yuzuru couldn't stop himself from smiling. 

"That's adorable. And sounds like a good advice." 

"We think it's best to give something that comes from heart, but it's also useful."

"That's reasonable." 

Yuzuru wished it was that easy; but Saya had everything she needed, and Yuzuru was pretty sure she didn't need anything 'useful'. 

They wandered around the market for a bit, but nothing really caught Yuzuru's attention, at least not enough for him to consider buying it. There were some things he found fascinating, though. Small, colorful hills of foreign spices, clothes made from silk, piles of book and scrolls. So many exotic, fascinating things, but nothing appropriate for a wedding gift. Yuzuru was ready to give up and come back on some other day, when he heard someone saying his name. 

"Yuzu, hey!" 

He turned around and saw Kaori, sitting on an open vagon filled with items. 

"Kaori, hi!" he smiled, making his way to her "I haven't seen you for a while!" 

"I can say the same about you!" she smiled "What brings you here today?" 

"I'm looking for a gift for my sister. She's getting married soon. But I don't have many ideas so far." 

"Feel free to take a look." she said, hopping off of the vagon to make more space. Yuzuru noticed how she eyed Javi curiously, but didn't make any comment. 

Kaori's father was a travelling merchant, and he often offered unique and beautiful items. 

And now, something caught Yuzuru's attention almost immediately. 

"What's this." he muttered, picking the item up carefully. It was a piece of fabric, smooth and silky, and Yuzuru saw with awe that there was a text written on it with something that was probably ink, but was done with extraordinary precision. There were also images on the top and bottom of the scroll, flowers and two people, man and woman embracing each other. 

"Oh, dad was really proud when he got this one!" Kaori chimed in "It's painted, but water can't wash it away. Amazing, right?" 

"Can I read?" Javi asked, moving closer and standing right behind Yuzuru and looking over his shoulder "Is it a poem?" 

"Yeah." Yuzuru muttered, eyes already scanning the first lines. 

 

_One heart, one heart is all I'm dreaming of_

_One heart upon this sullen earth I seek._

_A heart to tremble with my heart in love,_

_So that I be a meek one mid the meek._

 

_One pair of lips, wherefrom my lips for aye_

_Would drink the drink of joy with no constraints._

_Two eyes that I could marvel at each day,_

_And see myself a saint among the saints._

 

_One heart I need, two hands both soft and white_

_To veil my eyes and gently bar the light,_

_So I may fall asleep and by a touch_

 

_Of an angel’s cheek be carried to the sky._

_One heart, one heart, so little though need I,_

_I see and know that I demand too much._

 

Yuzuru was reading the words, his heartbeat quickening just a little bit, and suddenly he was almost painfully aware of Javi standing so close they were almost touching, his breath fanning over Yuzuru's ear. 

"It's pretty beautiful." Javi murmured and Yuzuru had to physically stop himself from shuddering. 

"It is." Yuzuru agreed, his voice slightly hoarse "Saya loves poetry. I feel like I should take it." 

"I'll give you a special price for that!" Kaori announced, always meaning business, and the little bubble broke. 

"Let's discuss that special price then."

It took them about ten minutes to agree, but it was more friendly banter than serious trading, and the result was satisfying to both of them. 

"I'm sure she'll love it." Kaori said and then looked around, narrowing her eyes "Where is your- oh." she gasped and Yuzuru followed her gaze to see Javi, who was standing next to Kaori's horse, petting its head. 

"That's weird." she hummed "She usually tries to bite strangers." 

"He has a good approach." Yuzuru muttered, more to himself than to Kaori, before walking over to Javi, feeling more collected than a few minutes before. 

"You found yourself a new friend already?" he asked and Javi smiled widely. 

"She's lovely, isn't she?" he asked, giving the horse one more pat before taking a step back "You have everything?" he asked and Yuzuru was about to answer, but Javi opened his mouth as if to say something more, and in that exact moment he felt sharp pain in his shoulder and he yelped loudly, with both hurt and shock. 

"Nya! Bad horse! Bad!" 

 

* * *

 

"This is embarassing." Yuzuru muttered into the pillow and Javi hummed with sympathy. 

"It happens." he said, pressing wet cloth to the spot on Yuzuru's shoulder that was pulsing with pain "The skin broke only a little, but you will have a nasty bruise." 

"You have experience with horse bites?" 

"Yeah." Javi chuckled, withdrawing a little, and then Yuzuru felt something warm and wet pressed against his skin. 

"What's that?" 

"I took some herbs and made a brew. It should numb the pain." 

"You're a skilled man, Javi." Yuzuru said and Javi laughed shortly. 

"I like to learn useful things. Do you need something more?" 

"No. But sit with me for a moment. Here." Yuzuru tapped the bed and Javi hesitated for a moment, but then did what Yuzuru asked, learning against the headboard. Yuzuru had much better look at him now, since he still had to lay on his stomach, so the patch wasn't startled. 

"How do you know so much about herbs?" 

"It's something my grandmother taught me, when I was a child." Javi said "She was taking care of me and she would take me for long walks and explain everything. I just- I really liked it. And it's useful." 

"Well, I'm very grateful for your grandmother." Yuzuru said, moving a little "I think it hurts less."

"Good." Javi said, his smile a bit softer now "You can throw it away when the fabric cools down."

Yuzuru nodded against the pillow. He wished he could sit up, because the position was a bit weird now, with him looking up at Javi sitting next to him, but at the same time it didn't feel awkward. Because Javi was smiling, easy and kind, and Yuzuru could swear he felt warmth radiating from the other's body. 

"You're very kind, Javi."

The words left his mouth naturally, without thinking, and he only realized he said it out loud when Javi's eyes widened, his cheeks darkening a little. 

"It's normal." he said, shrugging awkwardly, and Yuzuru shook his head, as much as his position was allowing him to. 

"Not really." he said quietly, and he knew that Javi understood what he meant. 

"It's not your fault this happened." Javi said quietly after a moment of silence "Do I miss home? Do I wonder why me? Do I wish it was different?" Javi stopped for a second, and so did Javi's heart "Of course I do." Javi said, softly, and Yuzuru felt a sting of unexpected pain. 

Of course Javi wanted to be home and not there, not with Yuzuru. 

Why should it be different? 

Yuzuru's heart ached. 

"I think it's okay." he said, sitting up, and Javi glanced at him with concern. 

"Are you sure-" 

"I'm much better." Yuzuru lied through his teeth "I'd like to go to sleep now." 

"Of course." Javi nodded slowly; he looked a bit taken aback by Yuzuru's sudden behaviour and Yuzuru wanted to smack his own forehead. 

Javi left without another word and Yuzuru felt even worse than before. 

Feeling strangely numb, he reached for what he had bought from Kaori, fingers grasping the smooth fabric. It was a beautiful thing, more meaningful than anything Yuzuru had ever given to anyone, but Saya wasn't the person he was thinking about in that moment. 

_One heart, one heart, so little though need I,_

_I see and know that I demand too much._

He traced the words with his fingertips, his heartbeat speeding up. 

Yuzuru had never really wanted love. Never really felt it, not in a romanic way anyway. He always knew he would have to marry someone at some point, probably, and he just hoped there would be understanding and sympathy between them. 

But now, things were different. 

Now there was someone sleeping in a small room next to his. Someone smart, kind, and a little bit sad. 

His soulmate. 

Yuzuru closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to make sense of everything what was going inside him. 

He could tell why Fate had done that, sending him Javi. 

Because Javi was good, and he was good for Yuzuru too. Yuzuru couldn't remember the last time he had such an easy and quick connection with someone. But there was more than friendship to that, and Yuzuru couldn't ignore it anymore. He couldn't ignore those dreams he had had, images burned in his memore permanently, like the scar on Javi's palm, the symbol of a life he didn't choose. 

They were friends, Yuzuru liked to thing. But they were also more, or they could be more, if Yuzuru decided to keep on playing that game Fate had invited them to without their will. 

The future was in Yuzuru's hands now, because he knew that one sentence from him would change everything. Would wipe the smile off of Javi's face, and erase whatever there was between them, even if Yuzuru couldn't exactly name what it was. 

That would set Javi free, in a way, maybe. 

But where that would leave Yuzuru ? 

 

 

"How are you feeling?" Javi asked the next evening when he brought Yuzuru his meal, and Yuzuru shrugged, wincing at the pain the movement caused. 

"I've been better." he said as he absently nibbled at bread Javi had brought him "Wait, wait, don't go." he said quietly, seeing that Javi was heading to the door "Stay with me for a moment." 

Javi nodded and slowly made his way to Yuzuru, sitting next to him on the bed and smiling. 

It was so familiar, by now. Javi being close, his hand brushing agsinst Yuzuru's, the silent fluttering of Yuzuru's heart. So, so familiar, and yet still kind of unexpected. 

Yuzuru took a sip of water, his throat feeling a bit dry, and then he turned to look at Javi, taking a deep breath. 

"I have an idea, Javi." he said and Javi tilted his head with interest. 

"Yes?" 

"Kaori's father is going for another travel soon. And he will sail to the other side of the sea too, so I thought... if you'd like to write a letter, I'm sure he'd be able to pass it to your family. He's a good man, trustworthy, and-" Yuzuru stopped talking abruptly, because he saw how Javi started blinking rapidly, his expression changing and morphing into some soft awe. 

"I could... write my parents?" he asked in a small voice and Yuzuru nodded. 

"I think they deserve to know that you're alive." 

It wasn't something that was being done, usually. Most of the times people ignored their slaves' past, not caring about what they had been forced to leave behind. 

Yuzuru couldn't do that. Especially not to Javi, who was now looking at him with wide and shining eyes, and Yuzuru heart clenched, his chest feeling a bit tight. 

"Thank you." Javi said quietly "Thank you, Yuzuru." 

He reached and covered Yuzuru's palm with his, squeezing his fingers gently, and Yuzuru's breathing hitched as he flinched slightly. 

"Are you okay?" Javi asked, misinterpreting Yuzuru's reaction "Does your shoulder hurt?" 

"It's okay." Yuzuru said quickly but Javi shook his head, standing up, and Yuzuru almost shivered at the loss of his warm hand on his. 

"Could you go stand next to the window? I'll take a look and there's better light." 

Javi's expression was almost unbearably soft and Yuzuru's body felt strangely odd as he stood up and made his way to the window, putting his hands on the window still, grateful for a little wind blowing in his face. The sun was going down, painting hills in front of him with golden light, and everything was still and quiet, and Yuzuru had a sudden feeling it all had happened before. 

"Let's take a look." Javi said, close to his ear, his fingers pulling aside the collar of Yuzuru's tunic "Doesn't look pretty, but the scratches didn't open." 

"Good." Yuzuru mumbled, and he didn't know what was happening, but his head started spinning a little, and he was so aware of Javi's body right behind him, and-

Javi hummed quietly, his breath warm and close, and a second later Yuzuru felt lips pressing against that sensitive spot, and it was as if a lightning ran through his entire body. 

"Now it will heal faster." Javi said, his voice fond, and Yuzuru couldn't breathe. 

His legs were made of cotton, suddenly, and he would have tumbled down if it weren't for Javi, who wrapped one arm around Yuzuru's waist, steadying him and making him lean against his chest. 

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked worryingly and Yuzuru couldn't answer, unwanted tears filling the corners of his eyes. 

_Gods help me_ he thought dizzily _Gods help me, it's true._

"I'm okay." he said raspily "I just... got dizzy. I need a moment." 

"Of course." Javi murmured, his hot breath fanning over Yuzuru's ear, hand rubbing his hip comfortably, and in that moment Yuzuru understood everything with terrifying, painful clarity. 

_I was always destined to fall for you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem is titled 'A Sonnet (One Heart)' by a Polish poet Adam Asnyk, the translation I used is by Jarek Zawadzki.


	5. where do we belong, where did we go wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting it from a phone, in a car, because I want you guys to read it asap hah  
> Please check the tags and enjoy!

Yuzuru wasn't sure how to act around Javi, anymore. 

Javi was great like always, kind and funny, fulfilling his duties without a hitch. It didn't change, how much Yuzuru enjoyed his company, talking to him, making him laugh. 

Something was different, though, and it was burning Yuzuru from inside everytime he looked at Javi. 

Because now, Yuzuru was pretty sure he was in love. And it was scaring him, more than anything he had ever encountered.

He had no idea what to do. 

There was one person he could talk to, though. 

"Dai, we need to talk." 

"Good morning to you too, Yuzuru." Dai said with just a hint of sarcasm, but his expression turned serious when he saw Yuzuru's face "Is this-" 

"Can you tell me what happened to your soulmate?" 

All blood left Dai's face as he watched Yuzuru with blank expression, before gesturing for him to come closer. 

"I never told it anyone." he said quietly "And I will only say it to you, because I don't want you to make the same mistake." he shook his head a little, a spasm of pain running through his face, and Yuzuru felt bad for asking him for that. But he needed help, and Dai was the only person he felt comfortable talking about it with. 

"She was the most amazing person to ever exist." Dai said quietly "I'm pretty sure I'd love her even if we weren't soulmates. She... she was everything, Yuzu. And I was stupid. I was so sure she loved me already, so I told her, just like that. It was-" he swallowed hard "It was so stupid. You know... I could feel it, here." he put his hand on his chest "I could feel as if something was ripped away from me, and I saw her face changing. It was- I don't want you to get through this. It's something that never heals. Something you'll always regret." 

Yuzuru's heart was pounding as he watched that man, always so collected and strong, whose face was now filled with sorrow.

Yuzuru didn't feel good, but the story was mostly what he had been expecting. What he didn't expect, though, was Dai looking at him with suddenly sharp, intense gaze, one corner of his mouth twitching.

"Is it Javi?" 

Yuzuru's heart stopped. 

"What-" he gasped shakily and Dai gave him a crooked smile. 

"So it is." he said and then sighed deeply "I suspected that." 

"How-" Yuzuru swallowed hard "How do you know?" 

"I guessed, mostly. But the timing makes sense, and well... you look different, with him." 

There was a short sting of pain between Yuzuru's ribs, but he decided there was no point in hiding anything from Dai, the only person who knew what was going on. 

So Yuzuru took a deep breath, because he had nothing to lose. 

"You were right." he said quietly "I do love him." 

Dai nodded, his smile turning soft and sympathetic. 

"What are you going to do, Yuzuru?" he asked gently and Yuzuru almost laughed, because Dai knew damn well what options there were. 

"I don't know, Dai, I just-" 

He just wanted Javi to love him back. Of course he did, but that wouldn't solve anything at all "- what would happen, if the people knew?" 

It was a rhetorical question, because they both couldn't be sure about people's reaction. Soulmates were something extremely important, but so were social stratums. Yuzuru couldn't really tell what would happen if-

If. 

"You're not going to tell him, right?" Dai asked quietly and Yuzuru's heart skipped a beat only to start beating faster than before, bruising his ribs. 

"I don't know." he admitted, the words hurting his clenched throat "Maybe I should." 

Dai shook his head, and Yuzuru was grateful when he didn't try to give him any advice. 

"I'm so sorry, Yuzu." he said softly "But the choice is only yours, now."

Yuzuru knew that. But it didn't make reality any less difficult. 

 

* * *

 

Yuzuru didn't know what to do, but he quickly realized he couldn't trust his body anymore. He had enjoyed Javi's touch before, gentle brushes of the hand, his warm, steadying presence. 

Now, he couldn't stand it. 

Now Javi's every touch was sending goosebumps across his skin and shiver down his spine. His heart was beating a bit faster everytime Javi smiled at him. He was everything Yuzuru could think about, suddenly. 

So, that was love? Constant longing, burning him from inside, and fondness so deep he couldn't breathe? Dreaming awake of what could happen, of two bodies meeting in the dark, of words whispered in the safe space of Yuzuru's room? 

Yuzuru tried not to go there. Not to get his hopes up, at least until he could figure out what he was going to do. And he was also trying not to show anything in front of Javi, but it wasn't easy at all. Because Javi noticed, and he looked at Yuzuru with honest, wondering eyes.

"Is everything okay?" he would ask from time to time "You seem a bit... distant, lately." 

"I'm fine." Yuzuru said quickly "I'm just- just a bit busy, with Saya's wedding." 

Saya's wedding. It felt like a blink of an eye, and suddenly there were only a few days left, and it didn't quite feel real. 

"Oh!" Javi brightened up, like he forgot about Yuzuru's weird behaviour "How does it look in here?" 

"It's... long." Yuzuru said lamely "But you will come with me, so you'll see." 

"I will?" 

"Yes. It's- uhh." Yuzuru scratched the back of his neck "We bring our own servants, to-" 

"Ah, I see ." Javi smiled while Yuzuru felt a bit sick, calling Javi that way. It was wrong, it really was. 

"How does it look in your land?" he asked before he would say something terrible and meaningful. 

"The ceremony is short, maybe fifteen minutes. Then we all help the newlyweds set up the house, we have a meal, and then we leave them to themselves. That's it." 

"I feel like I'd prefer it this way." Yuzuru sighed and Javi gave him a puzzled look "You'll see." 

 

* * *

 

Yuzuru took a sip of his wine and glanced over his shoulder at Javi, who was sitting with his back pressed to the wall, talking to a slave next to him. Yuzuru surpressed a sigh and turned to the person sitting in front of him, trying to keep his expresion politely interested. 

The main hall of the mansion was filled with herbal smoke that was still lingering in the air, even though the ceremony had ended hours before; someone was playing a harp, and some other instrument, and Yuzuru was feeling a bit surreal. It didn't really feel like reality. 

His sister was married now, and he would stay in that house, and he had to sit there for gods know how long, smiling at people he didn't really want to talk to. 

His skin was itching, and his throat felt scratchy, but even wine couldn't wash the feeling away. 

"Excuse me." he smiled at the person talking to him, standing up, and Javi was by his side in a second. 

"Do you need something?" he asked, just like he should, fulfilling his duties, and Yuzuru had to bite his tongue. 

You. 

"Walk with me for a moment." 

"It's so... big." Javi said when they were walking towards the patio, navigating through the crowded space "And there so many people and food. How long will it last?" 

"Not longer than two nights." Yuzuru answered and Javi gaped, but before he could voice his shock, Yuzuru heard his own name being called. 

"Hello, my friend!" 

Stephane looked like he had drunk many cups already, another full one in his hand as he smiled broadly "What a magnificent ceremony that was, and what a feast! Your families really outdid themselves." 

"Thank you." Yuzuru nodded with a smile "I'll remember to tell them that."

"Good! But tell me, my dear, when shall we expect to attend your wedding ceremony?" 

Yuzuru flinched a little, startled, the thought unpleasant but not unexpected. 

"Not soon." he said shortly and Stephane gasped dramatically before moving his eyes over Yuzuru's shoulder and grinning a bit slyly. 

"Hello, my friend." he said in a sweet tone and Yuzuru felt how Javi shifted uncomfortably, while his own stomach was suddenly filled with hot, stinging sparks. 

"It was nice to see you, Stephane. Excuse me." he said, turning around and pushing Javi a little "Wait for me by the main entrance, I'll be right there."

Javi was a bit confused, but didn't question him. Yuzuru walked back to the main hall and walked to where Saya and her husband were sitting, surrounded by their parents. 

"You look beautiful." he said quietly, leaning to kiss her cheek "May gods be bless you, my sister."

"Thank you, Yuzu." she said softly "Are you going already?" 

He just smiled at her, not really sure what his expression was saying, but her smile was full of warmth and understanding. 

"Are we leaving?" Javi asked when Yuzuru joined him outside, grateful for the fresh air filling his lungs now. 

"We'll walk back." Yuzuru said "I feel like I had too much of people's company." 

Saya's new home was located on the other side of the town, but Yuzuru knew a path leading to their vineyards, and he decided to took it. It wasn't used very often, but it was still visible in the pale light of the moon. It was close to dawn, Yuzuru could say, the sky getting a bit lighter on the East; the world was quiet at that hour, and the only things Yuzuru could hear were cicadas, his and Javi's footsteps, and his own hearbeat. 

He wouldn't mind staying like that forever, with Javi by his side, quiet, walking through the olive groves and hills. 

"Yuzuru." Javi said quietly after some time of walking in silence, and Yuzuru breathing hitched at the way he said his name, soft and round "What was it all about, with your friend?" 

Yuzuru winced, the hot feeling coiling in the pit of his stomach again. 

"Don't worry." he said, the words scratching his throat "It's nothing." 

Javi clearly wanted to push a bit, but he hesitated, and in that moment Yuzuru felt a few warm drops falling on his skin. 

"Here." he said, pointing a few pine trees growing next to the path, and they got there just in time to hide from a sudden rain. 

"Hmm." Javi hummed, looking at the sky "I don't think it will last long." he said and looked at Yuzuru, who didn't have time to turn away and was caught staring. 

Javi was standing close, Yuzuru was painfully aware of that, so close that he could count all Javi's eyelashes even if that dim light that was only now waking up. 

"Have I done something?" Javi asked quietly and Yuzuru flinched, startled "You- you distanced yourself from me and I was wondering if is it because of who I-" 

He didn't finish, but Yuzuru knew what he was about to say, and his heart hurt. 

_Is it because who I am? A slave? Have you realized that we shouldn't be so close?_

_It's not that, Javi. We should be closer._

Javi's eyes were dark and honest, with just a hint of sadness, and Yuzuru thought about the first time he had seen those eyes, months before, in a haze of a dream that left him confused and breathless. He hadn't believed in love, then. 

Now, love was the only thing he could think about. 

Scent of the pines was strong and intoxicating, just like Javi's closeness, and Yuzuru was tired of holding back. 

He took Javi's left hand into his, enjoying the familiar roughness of his knuckles, before bringing it to his lips and kissing his palm, lips tracing the raised skin there. 

Javi's gasped quietly, a small, choked sound, and Yuzuru felt a shiver running down his spine as he looked up and right into Javi's wide open eyes. 

_You're my soulmate, Javi. Can't you see it?_

Yuzuru understood it, know. He had thought that it didn't make sense, the dreams, only one person being aware of their destiny. But now, as everything inside him was screaming for him to tell Javi the truth, he understood. He really did. 

_Please, see me._

Javi inhaled shakily, swallowing hard, and Yuzuru could swear he leaned in just a little bit, because suddenly he could feel Javi's hot breath against his lips, so close, and everything inside Yuzuru burned. 

It wasn't a kiss, not really. Just a gentle brush of lips against lips, careful and timid, but Yuzuru felt the world shifting under his feet, and he longed for more, so much more, the longing so strong it squeezed all the air from his lungs. 

He craved more. He needed more, but then Javi pulled away, quick, his eyes wide and dark, his face filled with so many things Yuzuru didn't even try to read them. 

His own hearbeat was deafening in his ears and he felt drunk and dizzy, and overwhelmed. 

It felt like eternity, just looking at each other, silent, the first rays of sun painting the sky with pink and gold. 

"It's not raining anymore." Javi said quietly, his voice small and odd, and Yuzuru ached to touch him, to ask, to tell-

He didn't. Instead, he just nodded, watching Javi blink rapidly, as if he was walking up from a dream. 

The silence felt heavier now, as they were walking next to each other, charged with everything what had happened and what they hadn't said. 

Yuzuru's limbs didn't feel like they belonged to him, anymore. 

The house was quiet, everyone still on the feast, and it felt surreal, to walk empty corridors leading to his room, Javi's footsteps following him closely. 

The room was filled with grey, pale light of the early morning, and the sheets on Yuzuru's bed were blindingly white, as if they were a source of light, and for a moment Yuzuru couldn't tear his eyes away. 

But then he heard Javi shifting behind him and he spun around to meet his gaze, serious and shy at the same time, filled with wonder and questions Yuzuru couldn't answer. 

He had never wanted so much, before. 

"Please, stay."

Javi's eyes widened a little, lips parting just a tiny bit, and Yuzuru had to force himself to speak again. 

"You don't have to." he pushed the words through his clenched throat "Just-" he closed his eyes, wondering how much could he risk saying "- I want you. So if you want to stay, stay. With me." he added, knowing that Javi understood. And he knew that Javi wanted him too, in a way, he could see it in his blown pupils and quickened breathing. 

His own hearbeat was loud in his ears, blood circling fast and matching his erratic breathing. Yuzuru felt like it was the most important, significant moment of his life, as if his future depended on it, and as if rejection would kill him, crush his bones and tear his heart from his chest. 

Javi was watching him with expression Yuzuru couldn't read, teeth worrying his bottom lip, and it felt like ages, centuries of agony. 

And then Javi took a deep, shaky breath and grabbed the hem of his tunic, taking it off with one swift move, and Yuzuru's heart thudded in his chest almost painfully. 

Javi looked at him, open and just a little bit shy, and Yuzuru knew that there was no going back now. 

Maybe he would regret it later. Maybe it would kill him, but maybe it was his only chance to be with Javi. And Yuzuru was greedy, and he was in love. 

So he was going to take that chance, and not think, just for a bit. 

Javi's lips were warm and chapped, and parted against Yuzuru's, granting him access, and Yuzuru was intoxicated by the taste of him, a faint sting of mint and lemon, and Yuzuru's head started spinning. 

Javi gasped quietly when his back hit the bed and Yuzuru stopped kissing him only for a moment he needed to get rid of his own clothes. It already felt like so much, their chests pressed flush against each other, tongues meeting, fingers digging into trembling muscles. 

"Can I?" Yuzuru asked, his voice raspy and catching in his throat, as he slid his hand down Javi's side, grasping his hip. 

"Yes." Javi breathed against his lips and Yuzuru's breathing hitched. He reached for a small case standing next to the bed, the one he hadn't opened in some time, and he took out a small bottle of oil, his fingers shaking. 

Javi inhaled sharply and Yuzuru's mouth went dry when he saw his expression. 

"Have you-" Yuzuru started, not able to finish when Javi shook his head, eyes wide and dark, and filled with so much trust Yuzuru couldn't breathe.

The first time, theirs, together, and maybe there would never be another one. So Yuzuru vowed to himself to remember everything, memorize every single detail, so he could treasure it, no matter what was about to happen to them afterwards. 

He would remember the way Javi's lips parted and all those small whimpers leaving them when Yuzuru worked him open, his body warm and trembling. He would remember the taste of his skin, smoke and salt and rain, a mixture that was tingling on the tip of Yuzuru's tongue as he kissed Javi's stomach and thighs, traced the curve of his hip with warm, greedy lips. 

It felt like eternity passed when Yuzuru sat back and gently pulled Javi on his lap, one hand cupping his cheek, the other one grasping his hip steadyingly. 

"Are you-" Yuzuru started, his throat burning as he tried to stop too many words from falling from his mouth. 

_Okay? Sure? In love with me, maybe just a bit, please-_

Javi kissed him, and Yuzuru didn't say anything. 

It was blinding, and overwhelming, when their bodies finally joined, and Yuzuru felt dizzy with want, Javi's body trembling around him, his muffled cries tasting like salt against Yuzuru's lips.

 _I love you_ Yuzuru thought, his hips moving slowly, Javi's fingers digging into his shoulders desperately _I love you, and I'll give you everything._

He would, he really, truly would, because if Yuzuru were to die in that exact moment, he would take it without a bit of regret, looking at the man he loved so helplessly, their bodies moving in a perfect harmony, building their pleasure rapidly. 

It was too much, their restless movements turning erratic and desperate, so Yuzuru pushed Javi back on the pillows, drinking in the sight of him, lips swollen from kisses, hair disshelved, skin glistening in the light of the raising sun. 

And Yuzuru knew, in that exact moment, Javi's body arching as his lips parted in a silent cry, body shaking in an overwhelming pleasure- that there was never any other option . That he would love Javi in every world, in every scenerio, in every possible time. 

 _I am yours, and you are mine_ Yuzuru thought as he felt his relief approaching, muscles tensing and air leaving his lungs _Even if you don't know it._

 

* * *

 

Javi looked so young when he was sleeping. His face smooth and relaxed, chest raising in deep, regural breaths. 

He looked so calm, so vulnerable. So damn beautiful. 

Yuzuru's fingers were itching to touch him, but he stopped himself, not wanting to wake him up. So instead he recalled the way he had smiled when Yuzuru kissed him for the last time, wet and sloppy, and how his eyelashes fluttered before he fell asleeep by Yuzuru's side, quiet and safe. 

Yuzuru couldn't sleep. He couldn't force himself to close his eyes, to stop seeing Javi, and his chest was too tight anyway. 

He tried not to hope. Hope was a traitorous thing. 

He didn't know how much he stayed like that, watching Javi, his heartbeat loud in his ears; but when he finally moved, the sun was already high up in the sky. Yuzuru moved quietly, walking to a bucket standing next to the washbath, filled with now cold water. He cleaned himself up and then walked back to the bed, crawling next to Javi and wiping him up carefully. 

Javi whined quietly, opening his eyes a bit and looking at Yuzuru, his expression blurred. 

"Hi." Yuzuru said softly, his lips and throat dry "How are you feeling?" 

Javi blinked at him slowly and Yuzuru's heart clenched anxiously. And then Javi smiled, bright and fond, and Yuzuru couldn't breathe. 

"Can I get a hug?" 

Javi's voice was muffled and sleepy, and Yuzuru started at him for a moment, took by surprise, and then put the cloth away and moved to lay next to Javi, who glued himself to Yuzuru's side immediately, putting his head on his shoulder. 

"I missed this." he mumbled, throwing one arm across Yuzuru's chest "Touching. It's nice." 

Of course. Of course someone with so much kindness and affection would be longing to touch someone, anyone, to feel warm and close and safe. 

Yuzuru could work with that, he guessed. 

Even if Javi didn't love him, it was good to hold him. Yuzuru would take it. He would take anything Javi could give him. 

"I should bring you something to eat." Javi said suddenly, muscles of his back tensing a little, but Yuzuru shook his head, pulling Javi a little bit closer. 

"It's okay." he whispered, feeling two tears running down his face and then disappearing in Javi's curls "It's okay, you can sleep."

Javi hummed quietly, exhaling sleepily against Yuzuru's skin, and Yuzuru wondered if he would ever find enough strength to let him go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chaps to go guys!


	6. if there's nothing here, why are we still here?

Javi poured the bucket of water into the bath and then checked if it wasn't too hot. He hummed contentedly and turned around to look at Yuzuru, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching him, his stromach clenching with nerves.

"It's ready." Javi said with a smile and Yuzuru swallowed hard before standing up and making his way to the washtub, painfully aware of his nudity.

He had woken up half an hour earlier to and empty bed and Javi carrying the buckets of hot water.

Yuzuru's heart was pounding, but he couldn't manage to say a word, watching Javi with wide eyes, fingers tingling to touch him again, already missing the warmth of his skin. It felt like both his chest and head were full, filled with feeling and thoughts that were even more sharp and clean in the light of early afternoon.

The water was perfect, not too hot but not too cold either, and Yuzuru couldn't stop himself from sighing quietly with pleasure, and he saw how Javi's smile widened a little.

"Do you need something else? I would like to go and clean myself up too." he said, blushing a bit, and Yuzuru's heart stuttered as he decided to be bold.

"You can join me. If you want. There's a lot of space."

Javi blinked rapidly and for a second Yuzuru regretted saying that, but then Javi grinned and took his clothes off, stepping inside slowly, smiley and comfortable. Yuzuru's mouth went dry when he saw Javi's tanned skin, sun dancing in his hair, and small bruises on his hips that made Yuzuru's head spin. Javi nudged his leg lightly so Yuzuru pulled his knees up a bit, making enough space for Javi to sit down, so now they were facing each other.

The world around them was still and calm; the house was quiet, and the only sound Yuzuru could hear was chirping of birds outside and water splashing between Javi's fingers.

Yuzuru didn't know what to say. Or maybe he wanted to tell Javi so many things, too many, and he wasn't sure where to start, or if he should speak at all. So he allowed himself to be quiet, enjoying how their feet were touching and the way Javi was smiling, warm and pleasant.

"I think I figured you out." Javi said suddenly, his smile turning secretive "Why you were acting like that."

Yuzuru's heart stuttered.

"Really?" he muttered "What exactly?"

"Why were you acting like that. Like you needed distance. Like you couldn't be close to me." he said and Yuzuru felt like his heart was going to jump off of his chest.

"So what did you figure out?" he asked with slight difficulty and Javi's smile turned fond and gentle.

"You thought it was wrong, didn't you?" he asked quietly, and Yuzuru felt fingers touching his calf briefly "You didn't want me to feel like you're using me, right?"

His eyes were big and honest, smile bright and trusting, and it hurt to look at him, so Yuzuru closed his eyes, letting out long breath. He had to calm down. It was good, it was warm summer afternoon, and he was with Javi, who maybe didn't know, maybe didn't love him, but who was still so perfect.

His eyes were still closed when he heard and felt water splashing, and a second later he felt Javi's weight on his lap and his warm, wet hands wrapping around his neck. And when he opened his eyes he met Javi's gaze, dark and soft, and so unbearably close.

"Hey." he said quietly and Yuzuru swallowed hard, his hands coming to rest on Javi's back, his cheeks starting to feel hot.

It felt surreal, again, like one of those dreams he had had. But it was reality, now, and Javi was still smiling, and Yuzuru loved him more than just a second earlier.

"Are you alright?" he forced himself to speak, and Javi pulled back just a little bit, looking at him searchingly.

"You don't have to worry." Javi said and Yuzuru's chest was so tight he felt like he had to say something, anything, just to ease that pressure squeezing his heart.

"Javi, I- do you-" he fumbled with words, not really knowing what to do, how to act, but Javi saw his struggles and his face lit up with a tender smile.

"It's alright." he said quietly, leaning in and closing the distance between their lips "It's alright."

The kiss was slow and chaste, just timid brush of lips against lips, but it was enough to turn Yuzuru's limbs into cotton and lit up his chest with a million sparks.

"What are you doing, Javi?" he found enough courage to ask and felt a soft rush of air against his mouth as Javi exhaled deeply.

"I don't want to be alone." he said in a small voice, his breath hot against Yuzuru's cheek, fingers curling in his hair "I just don't want to be alone."

His voice was quiet and lacking the usual brightness, and when Yuzuru looked at him, he saw something precious and fragile, and it made his heart beat so hard he was sure it was going to cover his chest with bruises.

"You're not." he said, his voice hoarse "You're not."

Javi smiled, pressing his hand to Yuzuru's cheek in a gesture as gentle as look in his eyes.

"You're not alone either." he whispered before kissing Yuzuru again, more intently that time, lips moving with a bit more force and purpose than before. And there was nothing Yuzuru could do except kissing him back, hopeless against the warmth spreading in his whole body.

He was vaguely aware of some water splashing on the floor as he pulled Javi closer, so now he was pressed flush against him, skin against skin, heartbeat against heartbeat.

 _You'll be the death of me_ Yuzuru thought, sliding one hand up Javi's spine and placing it on his neck, holding him as close as possible. _And if so, I will welcome it gladly._

 

* * *

 

 

"I'll help you." Yuzuru said, making a move to raise from the bed, but Javi shook his head, giving the floor two more wipes before standing up.

"It's done." he said, grabbing two buckets and giving Yuzuru a smile "I think it's time for you to eat something. You must be tired." he added with a little, smug grin, and Yuzuru felt blush creeping on his neck.

"Well in that case bring something for yourself too." Javi nodded and left, and Yuzuru exhaled deeply, letting himself fall back on the bed. Now, when Javi wasn't there, Yuzuru could collect himself and try to think clearly. He still couldn't believe it, not fully. He loved Javi, and Javi... Javi wanted him, in a way, and he was ready to give his body, to share intimacy with Yuzuru without making him feel like he was taking too much.

Maybe he just had to wait a bit longer. Maybe Javi would fall for him and realize that they were soulmates, and Yuzuru's struggle would be over. And then... then they would figure everything out.

"Do you know if my parents came back?" he asked when Javi came back, a tray of food in his hands, and he shook his head.

"I saw only Marin and Amos."

They ate is silence, comfortable and easy, and Yuzuru couldn't help but imagine other times they maybe would be able to be like that, sharing food and smiles.

"Can I ask you a question?" Javi asked when they finished and Yuzuru nodded, curious "Could you maybe... tell me, now? About what is it, between you and your friend?"

Yuzuru blinked, confused, and it took him a moment to understand.

"You mean Stephane?" he asked and Javi nodded, his smile a bit bashful. "Well-"Yuzuru muttered, a bit embarassed "Let's say I- he taught me a lot."

Javi stared at him for a moment with no understanding, but then he gasped. "Wait, you mean-?" "That's exactly what I mean."

"Huh." Javi hummed, sparks of mischief dancing in his eyes "I guess I have to like him, then."

"He for sure likes you." Yuzuru muttered, not able to stop himself, and Javi blinked rapidly before smiling widely.

"Were you jealous?" he asked and Yuzuru bit his lower lip, and he knew he was blushing. It was so weird, that it was so comfortable, and that Javi was smiling so easily, while Yuzuru's heart was on the verge of breaking. "I'm kidding." Javi chuckled, shaking his head a little "I know how it works."

"You do?" Javi nodded and Yuzuru felt an unpleasant clench in his stomach. "You know-" he cleared his throat "You know that you don't have to-?"

Javi's expression softened and he took Yuzuru's hand, squeezing it gently.

"I know." he said quietly "And I told you, I-" he shrugged, smiling sheepishly "We're friends, and I feel good with you. It's nice, to... to be close."

It was... good enough, Yuzuru guessed. Good enough.

 

* * *

 

 

It was like nothing really changed. They were doing the same things as before, walking to the town and vineyard, spending hours on talking and laughing. It was warm, and comfortable, and Yuzuru enjoyed every minute spent with Javi. But some things were different. Now, Javi was spending so many nights in Yuzuru's bed, that it felt empty without him. Now, Yuzuru memorized every line of Javi's body, the way muscles of his stromach flexed under Yuzuru's palm, how his lips would part in a silent cry.

"Oh." Javi whimpered, leaning forward a bit, hands braced on Yuzuru's chest "Oh, Oh." It was so hard not to tell him, in the moments like that, his beautiful face slack with pleasure as he moved on top of Yuzuru, sure and steady, and Yuzuru felt dizzy with lust and pleasure.

"You're doing so good." he breathed out encouragingly, rubbing Javi's hip "Just like that." Javi let out a quiet whine, leaning forward so now his face was so close to Yuzuru's he could feel his ragged breathing against his lips. Yuzuru had his fair share of experience, but nothing could really compare to that, to the feeling of Javi around him, warm and trembling, so strong and yet so vulnerable at the same time.

 _Gods, I love you so much_ Yuzuru wanted to scream, but he couldn't he couldn't, so he just reached out with one hand and cupped Javi's cheek, the touch burning his fingertips.

In moments like that, he just wanted to have that, forever, to keep Javi close and never let him go, every fibre of his body screaming, the pleasure building in the pit of his stomach. He let his hand slide down Javi's body, tracing his neck and chest before taking him in his hand and stroking gently, marvelling in the way Javi's body shuddered.as he came, fingers digging into Yuzuru's skin. He fell on Yuzuru's chest, breathing erratically as Yuzuru held him close, moving slowly until his own elief hit him with a gentle wave.

He took a few moments to cool down and steady his breathing before kissing Javi's temple and gently rolling them over, so Javi was lying on his back now, his eyes still closed, lips slightly parted.

“Everything good?” Yuzuru asked, touching Javi's cheek, fingers sliding to trace his jaw.

“Mhh.” Javi let out, opening his eyes a little and giving Yuzuru wide, blissful smile, and Yuzuru couldn't stop himself from leaning in and giving him a short kiss before laying next to him, eyes never leaving Javi's face.

In that moment, it was so easy to imagine that Javi had feelings for him, when he was looking at Yuzuru like that, warm and trusting, and happy.

But Yuzuru couldn't risk it. All he could do was to wait for Javi to catch up to him.

Yuzuru tried not to think about it too much, but he was pretty sure Javi had some kinds of feelings for him, that he liked him, that he cared for him. He could see that in a way Javi was smiling at him, in how his body was responding to Yuzuru's touch.

There was fondness, an there was care, but Yuzuru needed just a little bit of love.

Just a little bit.

 

* * *

 

 

"Did your dad tell you how he knew that your mom was his soulmate?" Yuzuru asked when they were sitting in the vineyard, watching the sunset, and Javi smiled at that, bright and soft.  
"More times than I can count." he said, his voice vibrating with traces of laughter "He says that it happened rather quickly after he realized he was in love with my mom. He didn't even dare to imagine that they were soulmates, but then he had a dream, the same dream for seven nights. It was just him and my mom, sitting in a field and watching sunset. And during the last dream my mom said I am yours as you are mine, for ever. And he knew, then. " Javi said softly and Yuzuru's heart fluttered, and then Javi added "He says he never saw her cry as hard as in the moment he told her he knew they were soulmates." he chuckled quietly "I can't imagine how hard it was for her. She's... She's a rational type of person, while my dad is more romantic. It's funny, how she was chosen to be the one to dream."

Yuzuru wanted to say something, to change the topic that was unbearable now, but his throat was so tight he couldn't make a sound. He closed his eyes, exhaling deeply, and a moment later he felt a warm touch next to his eye.

“Hey.” Javi said softly “Are you crying?”

Yuzuru shook his head, his eyes still closed.

“Hey.” Javi repeated “What's going on?”

“Nothing.” Yuzuru opened his eyes and he felt a few tears gathering in the corners “Just-” he shrugged, inhaling deeply “Just emotional.”

“Ah.” Javi smiled, putting his hand on the back of Yuzuru's neck “So I have that power now?”

_You have no idea, Javi. You have no idea._

 

* * *

 

 

“I'm sorry to bother you, Yuzuru.” Amos said with a small smile when Yuzuru raised his head from above his book “But your father wants to see you. He's on the patio.”

“Thank you, Amos, I'm going.” Yuzuru smiled, standing up “But where is Javi?”

“Dai needs him today.”

“I see.” Yuzuru nodded and then followed Amos to the patio, wondering what his father wanted to talk about. He wasn't feeling too anxious, but when he got there and saw his father's stern expression, his good mood faltered. There was also another man, someone Yuzuru didn't know, but who looked a bit irritated, and Yuzuru's stomach churned.

“Yuzuru, sit.” his father said before turning to his guest “This is my son. Yuzuru, this is Patrick.”

“It's my pleasure to meet you.” Yuzuru said politely and Patrick gave him a short nod, his expression not really friendly.

“Patrick traveled a long way to meet us.” Yuzuru's father said “Or more specifically, you. He has some offer and I think it will be you who has to decide about it.”

Yuzuru was cofused beyond belief, but only nodded, focusing his eyes on Patrick, who's expression was hard.

“It's very simple.” he said, and Yuzuru could tell that he was a foregner, even though his accent was really good. He didn't have time to examine that further, because then Patrick spoke again, and Yuzuru's blood froze.

“I came here to get my friend back.”

“Wh- what?” Yuzuru breathed out, and he felt like there was something cold and heavy in his chest, crushing his heart and ribs.

“I came here to get Javi.” Patrick said, his voice filled with determination “He was taken by pirates and I know that you- bought him.” he spat out the last words like they were burning his tongue, and Yuzuru shuddered.

“And how do you know he's here?” Yuzuru's father asked calmly, as if he knew the answer already, and so did Yuzuru.

“He sent a letter home. His parents... we all thought he was dead. We mourned him. And then we found out he's alive. We-” Patrick took a deep breath “He wrote that he's treated well, but he shouldn't be here. It's not his place, and he deserves to go home. So we all, everyone, we got this.” Patrick said, putting his hand on a sack lying next to him, and Yuzuru heard distinc clanging “I think it should be enough to get him back.”

Yuzuru's head was spinning as he was trying to wrap his mind around Patrick's words.

“I think it is more than I gave for him.” Yuzuru's father said and Patrick flinched with badly hidden disgust “But as I said, he is my son's servant, so I will let him decide.”

Yuzuru saw Patrick's eyes narrowing as he looked at him, and he felt all air leaving his lungs.

It was too much, and he couldn't breathe, and he couldn't speak.

“I think he needs to consider this.” Yuzuru's father said and Patrick's jaw clenched.

“Very well.” he said through his gritted teeth as he stood up “I'm in a docks, please send someone as soon as you decide-” he hesitated for a moment, his steely expression wavering “Could I see him, maybe?”

_No, no, no, because then I would have to let him go now, I can't, not so soon-_

Yuzuru shook his head and Patrick's expression darkened, but he didn's say anything, just bowed slightly and left.

The world was still spinning, and Yuzuru's heart still wanted to escape his chest.

“Why did you do that, Yuzuru?” his father asked with some soft disappointment “You shouldn't have let him send that letter.”

“I couldn't be that cruel.” Yuzuru whispered, standing up and almost tumbling down, feeling light- headed “I- excuse me.”

He could feel his father's gaze following him, but he didn't care about what he was thinking now. The only thing he could think about was that maybe the choice had already been made.

 

* * *

 

 

He wanted to memorize everything.

The strong curve of Javi's shoulder. Curly hair, a little bit too long now. That tiny scar above his hip, the way his skin looked bathed in the moonlight filling the room.

Yuzuru swallowed hard, putting his hand on Javi's nape and then slowly tracing his spine with a feather-like touch, careful not to wake him up.

His throat burned, and so did his chest, his eyes filled with tears he couldn't allow himself to shed.

He knew what he had to do, he had known the moment Patrick told him why he was there. It felt like it happened a lifetime earlier and not just that morning, and it was so painfully obvious what Yuzuru had to do.

He hadn't even thought about making Javi stay. He loved him too much to do that.

Javi sighed deeply in his sleep and Yuzuru had to smile, even though everything inside him hurt.

Javi was his soulmate, but he didn't know that. Not yet, not now, because Yuzuru needed just that one more day, to say goodbye.

Yuzuru loved him so much, and he knew that he could give Javi a good life, even if he would never truly fall for him, if he would never realize. But Yuzuru knew how terribly Javi missed his home, his family, his freedom, and now he had a chance to get it back.

Yuzuru had no right to take it away from him.

Javi moved a little, sighing again, and Yuzuru shifted closer, pressing himself to Javi's back and placing one hand on his hip, trying to memorize how it felt to have Javi so close and warm.

“Why aren't you asleep?” Javi mumbled and Yuzuru's inhaled deeply against his neck.

“Just thinking.” he said, his lips touching Javi's skin “Sorry for waking you up.”

Javi didn't say anything, just hummed contentedly, pressing back against Yuzuru's touch.

 _I love you_ Yuzuru thought, the taste of Javi's skin warm on his tongue _And I will never regret this, no matter how much it hurts._

 


	7. I'm yours

The sun was barely up when Yuzuru woke up, but it was bright enough he could see Javi's face clearly. He looked calm and vulnerable, features smoothened, and Yuzuru felt a pang in his chest as his heart stuttered. 

If that was going to be their last day together, it was the perfect start.

Yuzuru spent long minutes on watching him, his chest pulsing with warmth, until he forced his body to move and got out of bed, careful not to startle Javi. 

He found his father just where he thought he would be- in the vineyard, talking to Dai. It was a busy time for the business, and they were spending whole long days in there; it was never too interesting to Yuzuru, though, so both men were surprised to see him.

"What are you doing here so early, son?"

"I want to talk to you for a minute." Yuzuru said, surprised by the calm tone of his voice. 

"I shall leave you alone, then." Dai said, but Yuzuru shook his head.

"No, stay, it's only a moment." he said and then looked at his father "I'm taking the offer."

His father blinked rapidly, a flash of surprise on his face, but he collected himself quickly.

"Very well." he nodded and turned to look at Dai, who seemed surprised "Dai, I will need you to take Javi to the docks tonight. You need to find a man names Patrick, and you'll hand Javi to him. Make sure he gives you payment in return."

Yuzuru hated the way he made it sound, like it was some plain, simple transaction, and not a deal that would break Yuzuru's heart forever. 

"Is this all?" his father asked and Yuzuru flinched "It's all. Just-" he looked at Dai, who was watching him with wide eyes "- maybe go when it's dark, so you won't be bothered."

"Of course." Dai nodded, sounding puzzled. Yuzuru could tell that he had a million questions, that he wanted to talk, but there was no need to. Yuzuru wouldn't change his mind, he couldn't. So he just gave him a small, sure smile

Because he was sure. A bit sad, a bit heartbroken, but sure.

Javi was still asleep when he came back to the room, and Yuzuru crawled back to bed, lying down by his side, watching him. He felt like he could do that for hours, watch Javi, listening to his breathing, pretending that there was much more mornings like that ahead of them. 

His heart ached.

"Hey." he whispered, brushing his lips against Javi's temple "It's time to wake up."

Javi mumbled something sleepily, trying to move away, so Yuzuru nuzzled against his neck, drawing a chuckle out of him.

"Wake up, wake up."

It was so surprisingly easy to pretend that everything was fine.

Javi sighed and opened his eyes, giving Yuzuru bright, sleepy smile. 

"I'm doing a bad job, I should be up and serving you breakfast."

"I'm not hungry." Yuzuru smiled, moving even closer "And you're doing a pretty good job." he added before closing the distance between their lips. Javi hummed contentedly, one hand sliding in Yuzuru's hair, tugging gently. 

"I am?"

"Always."

 

 

"Good!" Javi said brightly, his hands holding Yuzuru's waist firmly "Now I'm going to let go and you'll do it on your own."

"If I drown, you'll have to explain it to my parents."

"You can still feel the ground, it's not that deep." Javi said and then removed his hands from Yuzuru's body.

It wasn't like Yuzuru had no idea how to swim, but he was feeling pretty unsure in the water, especially in the sea. But Javi just had spent long minutes and making him feel more comfortable, so Yuzuru didn't really had other choice than to swim those few metres, his arms and legs moving clumsily, but helping him stay on the surface.

"I think that's enough." he exclaimed when he stopped and turned to look at Javi "It's so deep." he complained, standing on his tippy toes to prevent water from getting into his mouth.

"Don't worry, I'm coming." Javi chuckled and a moment later he was right in front of Yuzuru, smiling "Good job, I'm proud of you." he said, touching Yuzuru's cheek briefly.

"It was such a challenge." Yuzuru smiled, but he could feel familiar tightness forming in his chest.

It was getting closer and closer, the unavoidable truth.

"Hey, everything good? You're trembling." Javi said with concern and Yuzuru shook his head, making sure he was still smiling.

"Just a bit cold." he said before closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around Javi, clinging to him and hiding his face in his shoulder.

"We should go back." Javi said, arms around Yuzuru's waist, and Yuzuru closed his eyes.

"Just a moment." he whispered, glad that Javi couldn't see his face.

He didn't want to go, because the moment they step be back on land, everything would be over. And Yuzuru, he had made peace with what had to happen, but it still hurt. It hurt way too much.

But at least he had that. One last, perfect day with Javi that he would treasure in his memory forever.

He would remember waking up and seeing his sleeping face, he would remember his smile, and laugh, and the way he scrunched his nose when he couldn't remember some word he wanted to use, he-

"You're really shaking." Javi muttered, his hand moving on Yuzuru's back "Come on, let's go back." he said and Yuzuru took a deep breath before pulling back and offering Javi a strained smile. 

The way to the beach was suddenly so short, a blink of an eye, and suddenly they were both standing on the warm sound, putting their clothes on, and everything was so calm and so wrong. 

"So, Yuzuru-" Javi started with a smile that Yuzuru had seen before "What's going to happen now?" 

Yuzuru heart was pounding in his chest and he was feeling so cold, so much colder than in the water. 

That was it. That was how it all would end. 

"Now I'm going to let you go." 

His voice sounded hollow in his own ears and Javi blinked rapidly, scrunching his nose in confusion. 

"What?" 

"Your friend came here." Yuzuru said, trying to keep his voice steady despite everything inside him screaming "Patrick. He came to... take you back. He offered my father money, but the choice is mine. And I decided that- that you're going home. You're going home, Javi." 

Javi was staring at him, eyes wide, mouth open, and it was obvious that he couldn't understand. 

"I- what?" 

His voice was quiet and fragile, and cutting cracks in Yuzuru's heart. 

"We'll go back home, you will collect what you owe, and then go to the docks, where your friend is waiting. Dai will go with you to make sure guards don't cause any trouble." 

"What does it mean, Yuzuru? What-?" Javi stuttered and Yuzuru had to smile a little. 

"It means that you're a free man, Javi. And that you'll see your family soon, and you'll be able to go picking your favourite herbs. You will get your life back, Javi." 

"But I-" Javi whimpered, and Yuzuru could see that only now he was realizing what was going on, and that he was torn. But he could also see sparks igniting in his eyes as it was dawning on him that he would go home. But there was also a shadow, something Yuzuru couldn't quite catch. 

"But what about you?" Javi asked and Yuzuru frowned "What's going to happen, who will take care of you, who will-" he rambled and Yuzuru's heart broke with the realization that, despite everything, Javi hesitated. Because he cared for Yuzuru, because he was his friend, and he had resigned himself to Fate. Because he was so damn kind. 

"It's alright." he whispered, moving closer and taking Javi's face in his hands "It won't hurt in a moment." 

He had been hoping that maybe he wouldn't have to tell Javi everything, that maybe he could keep that one thing, knowledge that they were still connected somehow. But seeing Javi's expression, both happy and sad, shocked and guilty, he knew that there was no other option. 

He didn't want Javi to be torn, or hesitant. He wanted him to be happy, and only that. 

"Yuzu, what-" 

"I love you." Yuzuru whispered before leaning in and pressing his lips to Javi's in a kiss that was both gentle and desperate, and tasted a little bit like salt. 

"Yuzu-" Javi choked out when they parted, hands curling on Yuzuru's shoulders, and Yuzuru knew that he couldn't drag it any longer. 

He closed his eyes, not wanting to see Javi's expression when it all would happen. 

"You're my soulmate, Javi."

The words were pieces of glass, cutting him open and leaving wounds that would never heal.

"I've dreamed about you for so long, but I'm letting you go now, I really am."

The sound of his own hearbeat was deafening, and he could barely hear Javi's ragged breathing. 

He still didn't open his eyes. 

And then Javi inhaled sharply and slowly let go of Yuzuru, taking a step back. 

Yuzuru was so terrified to look at him, to see what was taken from him forever, but he forced his eyes open. 

But what he saw was Javi hiding his face in his hands and dropping to the ground, a loud sob escaping his covered mouth. 

Yuzuru didn't understand. 

It didn't match anything Dai had said. 

Javi was outright crying now, his face still hidden behind his palms, and Yuzuru forced his tongue to cooperate. 

"Javi." he tried, his voice quiet and weak "Javi." 

He kneeled down next to him, his head spinning as he touched Javi's shoulder carefully.

"Javi." he repeated helplessly and heard how Javi breathed in deeply, clearly trying to collect himself. 

And then finally, finally, he looked at Yuzuru, and his eyes were-

"How am I supposed to leave now?" he asked, his voice shaking "Gods, I'm so stupid-" 

"Javi, what-" Yuzuru breathed out and Javi smiled at him, eyes still full of tears. 

"I love you too." 

The world didn't end. The sun was still shining, and Javi was looking at him the same way as always, but there was even more in his gaze now, and Yuzuru still didn't understand. 

But... Javi loved him? 

"You love me?" he asked bresthlessly and Javi smiled at him, a small, strained smile Yuzuru hadn't seen on him before. 

"Of course I do. How could I not?" 

"Why-" Yuzuru started, feeling dizzy "Why haven't you told me, why-" why did you let me suffer in silence like that? 

Javi looked at him for a moment before taking a deep breath. 

"I only figured it out recently. I- I knew I loved you for some time, but the dream... I had only one, and I didn't dare to believe- only now it makes sense, and I-" he swallowed hard "I thought it was for the better." 

"How could it be better?" Yuzuru asked, a shadow of anger lingering in his voice, and Javi shuddered, his smile turning bitter. 

"I'm no one in here, Yuzuru." he said quietly "I might have a decent life, but I've no rights. I can't- I don't want to drag you down." 

"But Javi, people-" 

"People kidnapped me and sentenced me to live like that. Like I'm not a person, like I don't have- I can't-" Javi inhaled sharply "I don't believe they would understand. I don't. And I was... I am... so scared, of what could happen, I" 

Yuzuru was still overhelmed, still shocked, but it was slowly getting clearer and clearer. 

Javi was in love with him. 

Javi knew they were soulmates. 

But Javi was also right, about the people- it would be a scandal, and Yuzuru had no idea if a mere fact that they were soulmates could change Javi's situation. 

"It's alright." he said hoarsely, taking Javi in his arms and pulling him closer "Everything will be alright."

"I'm sorry." Javi whispered shakily against Yuzuru's neck "I'm sorry, I should have told you-" 

"No, it's all good." Yuzuru muttered "I understand, it's all good now." 

He didn't know how long they spent like that, clinging to each other, breaths and heartbeats mixing, without a word. Yuzuru closed his eyes and wished they could stay like that forever, quiet, still, pretending that the world didn't exist. 

But it existed, and they couldn't hide from it forever. 

"We need to go." Yuzuru said quietly, standing up and gently pulling Javi with him. It didn't really feel real, any of that, what just happened and what was going to happen, but Yuzuru knew he had to keep himself together, just a little bit longer.

Javi's eyes weren't wet anymore, and the gaze he gave Yuzuru was soft and serious.

"You really want me to go?" he asked quietly and Yuzuru let out a shuddering breath as he brought their foreheads together. 

"I need you to go, and to be happy. Just that."

"You think we can be happy without each other?" Javi asked, and his voice was so fragile and vulnerable, and Yuzuru had no idea how Javi had managed to hide his feelings while being so afraid and unsure.

"I think that we have no other choice."

They both knew that it wasn't true. There was an option, there always was an option, but Yuzuru couldn't tell which would be a better one. Living without each other or staying together and trying to fit into the reality that wasn't Javi's, where his value was measured in coins? There was no such a prosedure as freeing slaves, there was nothing sure about what would happen.

Fate maybe wanted them together, but the world didn't.

"We need to go." Yuzuru repeated, his voice weak and odd, and Javi's expression crumbled, but his gaze was full of sad understanding. 

"We need to go."

 

 

The sun was hanging above the horizon, still blindingly bright, but Yuzuru was feeling strangely cold.

"Do you have everything?" he forced himself to speak and Javi exhaled shakily.

"I don't own much." 

They looked at each other, gazes locking, and Javi's eyes were so filled with so many feelings Yuzuru had no idea how he hadn't noticed them before, too caught up in his own burden. And Javi was right there, smiling and bright, trying to hide his insecurities.

It wouldn't have changed anything; what mattered was that they had those few moments left, that would be only theirs. 

"How much time do we have?" Javi asked quietly, and Yuzuru couldn't breathe.

"Till the sun goes down."

Javi glanced through one of the windows and nodded, his lips twisting in half- smile.

"We can make it eternity." he whispered before closing the distance between them and taking Yuzuru's face in his hands, his smile unbearably soft. And when he brought their lips together, Yuzuru believed him. 

 

 

It was so cold.

Javi had left what felt like forever earlier, but Yuzuru knew there were barely minutes. 

He had left, with tears in his eyes and with a smile that somehow was still warm and bright, because in the end, he was going home. There would be no one telling him what to do, and in time the only reminder of what had happened in that land would be the scar in his left palm and the love he felt for Yuzuru.

Yuzuru fixed his eyes on the candle in front of him, the little flicker dancing in the air.

_Thank you, for everything. I love you. Don't forget about me._

_As I ever could_ Yuzuru thought, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath _As if I ever could._

He opened his eyes, the candlelight still warm and encouraging. His heart was still beating, and it still hurt.

It was quiet.

Maybe he didn't have to live that way.

Maybe he didn't want to.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Patrick glanced at them with amusement from where he was sitting by the rudder. He said something in his and Javi's native language and Javi snorted at that, saying something back before turning to look at Yuzuru, his eyes sparkling.

"What was that?" Yuzuru asked and Javi shook his head.

"A very bad joke." he said, cupping Yuzuru's cheek with his calloused, warm hand.

Yuzuru sighed and leaned into the touch, enjoying every second of the contact.

"What do you think your parents are doing now?" Javi asked and Yuzuru opened his eyes, shrugging slightly.

"Probably aren't very happy. The letter I left them was pretty messy, I was too afraid I wouldn't catch you. I'll write them in some time. And it's not like I will never come to visit."

"Good." Javi hummed, his thumb stroking Yuzuru's cheek softly "Aren't you afraid?" he asked quietly and Yuzuru shook his head; he took Javi's hand in his and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to the inside of his palm.

"Staying there without you was more scary." he said quietly and Javi's expression melted with a bright, loving smile.

"I love you." he said, and Yuzuru knew that it was worth it, to leave everything behind for that smile and those words, and for a chance to have Javi by his side for the rest of his life. 

"I love you too." he whispered before leaning in for a kiss.

It would always be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much guys for reading and all your great support! So grateful you took this journey with me, I hope to see you on the next one!

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Don't hesitate to tell me and thank you for reading!


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